1/
One day last spring, I had to go to a parent-teacher conference. I was flying on one wing. Physically, emotionally, and cognitively exhausted from trying to help one of my sons navigate this wonky, socially isolated, hybrid version of school.
It was not going so well.
One day last spring, I had to go to a parent-teacher conference. I was flying on one wing. Physically, emotionally, and cognitively exhausted from trying to help one of my sons navigate this wonky, socially isolated, hybrid version of school.
It was not going so well.
2/
Combined with the heavy lift of work and an ongoing blanket of racial battle fatigue, I was on fumes. I limped into the meeting like a battered animal. I knew it would take everything in me not to weep through the entire thing.
Whew.
I said a tiny prayer and entered.
Combined with the heavy lift of work and an ongoing blanket of racial battle fatigue, I was on fumes. I limped into the meeting like a battered animal. I knew it would take everything in me not to weep through the entire thing.
Whew.
I said a tiny prayer and entered.
3/
When the teacher joined the call, she started with a few pleasantries. I clenched my jaw and prepared for the first punch to the jaw.
It never came. Her eyes softened.
Her: "How are YOU doing, Dr. Manning?"
Me: "Me? Um, okay I guess."
She nodded and smiled.
When the teacher joined the call, she started with a few pleasantries. I clenched my jaw and prepared for the first punch to the jaw.
It never came. Her eyes softened.
Her: "How are YOU doing, Dr. Manning?"
Me: "Me? Um, okay I guess."
She nodded and smiled.
4/
Next we talked about my son and his school performance. I listened intently and vowed to do all the things to support him. But then she stopped me mid-sentence.
Her: "Dr. Manning? Listen. This is a hard time for all of us. Not just him but all of us."
Me: *listening*
Next we talked about my son and his school performance. I listened intently and vowed to do all the things to support him. But then she stopped me mid-sentence.
Her: "Dr. Manning? Listen. This is a hard time for all of us. Not just him but all of us."
Me: *listening*
5/
Her: "I've known your son since 6th grade. He's a great kid. And you know? I think we are all just trying to do our pandemic best."
My mouth hinged open to speak but I froze from the mounting emotion. She went on.
Her: "He's a great kid."
She emphasized the word "great."
Her: "I've known your son since 6th grade. He's a great kid. And you know? I think we are all just trying to do our pandemic best."
My mouth hinged open to speak but I froze from the mounting emotion. She went on.
Her: "He's a great kid."
She emphasized the word "great."
6/
Her: "I recognize that none of us have ever done school in a pandemic. So we all need a little grace, you know?"
Me: *tiny whisper* "Yeah."
Her: "You are here in this meeting. And your son knows he is loved. That's a good thing, Dr. Manning."
Emphasis on "good" this time.
Her: "I recognize that none of us have ever done school in a pandemic. So we all need a little grace, you know?"
Me: *tiny whisper* "Yeah."
Her: "You are here in this meeting. And your son knows he is loved. That's a good thing, Dr. Manning."
Emphasis on "good" this time.
7/
Her: "It took some time for me to realize that pandemic best may be all we have right now. And to hold anyone to something other than that just isn't fair."
I paused and swirled those words around in my head for a moment.
Me: "Wow. That is so true, sis."
Her: "It took some time for me to realize that pandemic best may be all we have right now. And to hold anyone to something other than that just isn't fair."
I paused and swirled those words around in my head for a moment.
Me: "Wow. That is so true, sis."
8/
Her: "And that's ALL of us, you know? But we have to stand in the gap and remind each other of who we are. And who our kids are."
Now I was full on crying. An exhausted, relieved, and grateful cry. She waited patiently in silence.
Me: "I'm sorry."
Her: "It's okay."
Her: "And that's ALL of us, you know? But we have to stand in the gap and remind each other of who we are. And who our kids are."
Now I was full on crying. An exhausted, relieved, and grateful cry. She waited patiently in silence.
Me: "I'm sorry."
Her: "It's okay."
9/
We finished up and that was pretty much it.
Yup.
I felt better after the meeting. Which was surprising considering how much I'd dreaded it. But I'm sharing this because that exchange with my son's teacher proved to be a pivotal moment for me.
Truly.
We finished up and that was pretty much it.
Yup.
I felt better after the meeting. Which was surprising considering how much I'd dreaded it. But I'm sharing this because that exchange with my son's teacher proved to be a pivotal moment for me.
Truly.
10/
Her gentle, gracious words shifted the way I saw not only my son, but myself and those around me in this time. My patients, my partner, my parents, and my peers, too.
I love this concept of a "pandemic best."
Her gentle, gracious words shifted the way I saw not only my son, but myself and those around me in this time. My patients, my partner, my parents, and my peers, too.
I love this concept of a "pandemic best."
11/
I've stuck those words on a post-it note in my heart for safekeeping:
"It took some time for me to realize that pandemic best may be all we have right now. And to hold you to something other than that just isn't fair."
Today, I am sharing these words with you, too.
I've stuck those words on a post-it note in my heart for safekeeping:
"It took some time for me to realize that pandemic best may be all we have right now. And to hold you to something other than that just isn't fair."
Today, I am sharing these words with you, too.
12/
Last:
That teacher had a choice that day. And she chose kind. I am so, so grateful she did.
May we all strive for excellence--but extend and receive the grace needed when all there is to give is a pandemic best.
Happy Sunday, y'all. 👊🏾
#supportisaverb #teachersrock
Last:
That teacher had a choice that day. And she chose kind. I am so, so grateful she did.
May we all strive for excellence--but extend and receive the grace needed when all there is to give is a pandemic best.
Happy Sunday, y'all. 👊🏾
#supportisaverb #teachersrock
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