SO! You've heard/seen/read/felt/smelled i'm Plural?
This pinned post is now my rough thread to how it works.
If you DON'T CARE TO READ do not reply or read the thread. Questions and Concerns can be directed by DM's or replies. <3 CONTINUE ON FAIR SOLDIERS!
1. It is undiagnosed, but has been noted by professionals. Welcome to NZ's Mental Health system where even my ADHD isn't properly recognized (despite being medicated)
2. It is for some, a form of Dissociative Identity Disorder. I have done some research and as of the DSM V there is another classification under "OSDD" Other specified dissociative disorder isst-d.org/wp-content/upl…
3. I am not claiming to be diagnosed as such, yet there is a valid movement of "Tick the boxes so you can be treated fairly". I have done this with Autism, as my father has it and it is genetic - and NZ will not recognize it easily in assigned female at birth individuals.
4. This is somewhat related to being transgender for me, as the dysphoria is a shared feeling across the board.
5. Oh, the .. actual "HEADSPACE" Component. Yes. yes. *EVIL STARE* - There's only four of us at current that front to the outside world for interaction. This is for safety and protection of not just ourselves, but family friends and the outside world.
6. Right now, it's Justin typing this and one of my nicknames is "Weasel" (don't ask lol) - and "MopeMaster3000". Those of us that front are versions of ourself on the outside (Thus the OSDD variant.)
7. There WAS FIVE, and there is a lengthy internal dialogue that we can't really for traumatic reasons at the current moment go into without stressing others inside and outside out. You CAN ask about it, and we will mention it. It's not "dangerous" - it's complicated :)
8. THERE IS MORE THAN FOUR OF US ON THE INSIDE. Stragely enough the "headspace" is also a mimicked world of our books. Sometimes things that happen to us on the inside end up canon in the books. (This is how we ended up with Kristoff having Cat ears and a Cat tail eventually lol)
9. I'm aware i have SEMI TOLD my family about this off and on in some format. You try explaining this in a serious face moment to your baby boomer mother without her falling over and laughing and going "8D you just read comic books too much" lol. (I love you mom but srs lol)
10. In response to that, I am ALSO aware she is struggling with her own issues right now and re integrating that thought process and forcing it on her - is no smart idea. We function enough on the outside as a singular entity that we "Fake it til we make it"
11. Besides, we're all "VARIATIONS" or "FLAVORS" of ourselves anyways. Lillian/Lily in the book is literally me/us from high school, Mike = A now deceased friend of mine i met on AOL who stayed with us and left a huge dent in my soul somehow.
12. The ones who front are 99.9% of the time: Kristoff, Justin (ME AT TIME OF WRITING), Ryan and Rana. We WILL continue at all costs and time and matter to use the name Kieran, because well... in a sense we picked it lol.
13. We HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR MORE THAN 15 years. Just that we never knew what it was, how to feel and how to manage it. We're actually SAFER NOW than we were say ten years ago.
14. We use tumblr to rant mostly about this shit, because while twitter has OSDD/DID and plural resources - most of my friends/family/followers on here are singular and I just don't like fuckng with it lmao.
15. The "Only four" vs original five? In DID systems sometimes people talk about a core/original. There was one of us who never thought they were the original- and after time of breaking away and fading off to protect and build a better headspace - they've well go read 16.
16. They haven't "DIED" in the sense of "I am depressed, at rock bottom and am ending it" as more - Think of it being a spirit that has been watered down to make new drinks, or a spice that's mixed in other spice mixes to create a new flavor. Yes, we are still mourning/greiving
17. But it's REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT LMAO when it's not a person on the outside. Two of us left have been here nearly since the beginning, at least i've been a VERSION of the one thats been here that long and Ryan's the other one.
18. The "BABIES" as we joke in jest ( as we don't really have traumagenic littles - and here is not the space to argue that) - are Rana and Kristoff. Kristoff CAN BE PULLED if you play "LET IT GO" really loudly in our faces. This is funny, and we encourage it. No, really we do.
19. We are the type that will experiment with music to attack our feelings to incite a response. This is usually for the sake of our books, or art. Ryan's new trick is to do it to see who gets pulled by what. I think he's an idiot and he's failing miserably but we let him do it
20. The artwork you saw at the top is represenative of what we are in the books for the most part. Theoretically, i'm not in that picture because the missing indivdiual was another version of me (see? complicated situation in our head. GO GET SUM GHOST CHIPS BRO jk)
21. We WOULD be public on facebook but the amount of people that we've encountered that think we're going to rob a bank/murder someone when we say shit like this.. is intesnely annoying. ESPECIALLY WHEN ONE OF THEM WAS TRAINING TO BE A PSYCH NURSE!!!
22. Kristoff is called "ELSA" because he didn't get it when he picked the name that it's a character in Frozen. We're pretty sure he did it because Ryan's middle name is Christopher. Rye named himself after one of the names mom would've picked for a boy.
23. Yes, our birth name is Jillian Elizabeth Haldeman, and this is not doxxing. This is public information and we will hand it to you because it's also trivia as to why we named the female in the books Lily or Lillian. our great grandmother was Lillian.
24. Mom wanted tot name us Gillian or Jillian Merideth but dad put a stop to that one. As for it being public information -we have all at one time done our genealogy, and i don't have a ton of information worth doxxing lmao.
25. You're welcome to also know we've HAD other fronters that were semi detached from who we are as a whole. They were SOMEWHAT related to who we are as a whole but weren't entirely. As they would embark on modes of trying to change our path wildly.
26. This is because with our Autism and ADHD, we are gullible as fuck. I may be a moping asshole somedays, but we've been naive in some level in certain areas of outside life.
27. Without literally continuing a long huge thread beyond this, I THINK I HAVE COVERED 90% OF THIS. If you have questions OR CONCERNS you CAN REPLY or you can legit use my twitter DM's. It's set to followers only because it's a bit more sensitive.
28. And because this is Justin signing off on the last tweet- YOU ALL CAN FUCK OFF AND SUCK MY NON EXISTANT OUTSIDE NUTS., :L and my inside ones, cause uh .. you uh.. yea i'm an asshole shut up XD But i'm kidding lmao - just like don't use this tto harm anyone or me XD
Just a heads up i'm gonna do a mini rant on here -
There could be some touchy subjects in it, and i'll thread the whole thing -so if you're a bit on the sensitive end (valid btw.) - try not to read it unless you like being poked in the brain. CONTINUE ON DEAR READERS!
Ok this has to do with #plural#osdd#ActuallyAutistic and #ADHD - (Plural/OSDD and Autism are self diagnoses, though both have been semi recognized under the table by professionals - my ADHD still isn't entirely recognized)
Ok now that we have those two things out of the way let's go to the core of it. *Pun intended btw.* - It's been two months. Two months since we started being slowly more open about everything. Two months since the anxiety seizures have MOSTLY gone away.