I don't know who needs to hear this, but if I have made templates on the course website for you to fill in, don't change all the fonts and the formatting? This is literally what a template is for?
(We are collectively creating course content, like week by week producing resources that act like a textbook. I NEED them to all look the same, because there's so much stuff that consistent format is essential to comprehension)
(Also, some people definitely have very poor instincts related to document and information design, and since that's not the point of the assignment, the template allows us to focus on content not design.)
(Autistic me is driven bananas by inconsistency: I always think a deviation must be semantic not stylistic. ADHD me suffers sensory overwhelm and needs things to be consistent and, bless, SCANNABLE.)
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How's my morning? Got up at 6, ate, showered, makeup, outfit, pack bag for office, 8:30 nails appointment, yes. Can hardly stay away at the salon. Husband texts me this: it's my Vyvanse that I put on the counter, got a glass of juice, drank all of it, forgot the pill.
I also put the glass in the dishwasher and put the pill bottle away. When I came home to get the pill, I left my mask behind and had to yoink one from my sister. I am living that executive function life.
ALL CHANGE IS HARD, AND THAT'S OKAY, a thread for "back to normal" and "coming out of the pandemic" and why you are still terrified and sad, and why no one is making space for that. I got you. It's okay that you're not okay. 1/11
Something Western culture doesn't know how to do: have two feelings at the same time, and being okay with that. We cannot acknowledge that desired, happy events can also produce sadness and loss: a new job is the end of an old one, a new marriage is the end of single, etc. 2/11
Toxic positivity means that if you express sadness at the end of your childfree years, people will be appalled that you're not happy to have a baby. But you can be both. And no matter what, you are now a different person. We can't cope with that, either. 3/11
The way my brain works: I'm like a slot machine, that pays jackpots every time. The only catch is that *someone* has to pull the handle, or *something* has to trigger a turn. I am not, if you will, a self-lighting firecracker. Remote teaching is HARD for me. 1/8
This is why I find intellectual isolation so difficult as a work environment. It's mostly spontaneous interactions with people that pull the handle--teaching, meetings, conferences. I will spit quarters out literally all day, no problem, but only in interaction. 2/8
I'm really bad at conjuring things out of thin air. I'm more Spiderman: I can't fly but I can achieve a flying effect by swinging from one building to the next, one idea to the next. I'm going to need a lot of metaphors: get ready-- 3/8
On shame: you know, it's taken me a lot of growth to be able to say "I can't do it" or "I need help." Like, it's so hard to learn to do that when you've spent your life internalizing that your failures are moral ones and you should try hard, to admit that trying is not the prob.
So it's a huge, great, proactive thing for me to say, "I can't do it, I need help." But then imagine how I feel when people respond with, "Of course you can! You're doing great! You're so smart". It just loops me right back into shame: I SHOULD be able to do it.
It's a huge risk to admit my vulnerabilities, especially when it seems like a ridiculous thing that someone as smart as me should be able to do. Do you think I didn't try? When I say I CAN'T DO IT, please don't gaslight me. It's not helpful.
My #ADHDphd friends in remote work: how are you doing? I am really really really struggling. Everyone keeps telling me that we all have a hard time, and that I'm not doing as bad as all that, and they believe in me. But it feels different.
I am apologizing to everyone who catches me, and avoiding everyone who can't. All my organization and self-regulation and motivation tools have been taken from me by remote work. "We're all adapting!" they say, patting me, but I am not adapting. I am drowning.
I'm sorry I missed the meeting / the deadline / the email / the appointment. I feel sick with shame. Also, I'm going to keep missing them. I'm struggling immensely and working so so so hard, and using everything I've learned from therapy.
No more scaffolded assignments, mostly, for right now, a thread on pandemic resilient pedagogy, by me, doing the best I can in a trying time. #ResilientPedagogy#AcademicChatter#RemoteTeaching 1/13
In general, I love scaffolded assignments: they produce mini-deadlines and mini-deliverables and emphasize process and mitigate the possibility of last-minute-panic-writing, while also making cheating more trouble than it's worth. Yes. But. 2/13
12 week terms and scaffolds means that if each component builds on the next, I have a super-fast grading turnaround time, and things are due every week. That's a lot. And then chasing laggards on top of that. It requires me to be 100% fully functioning and *ON*. 3/13