It’s time for our annual “operation toilet seat”.

If you’re unfamiliar with this story, it involves a certain person constantly breaking the toilet seat. We don’t know who that certain person is because everyone denies it but it happens once, twice & sometimes 3 times a year

1
This time I flipped my lid a little. The sad broken little toilet seat was left to fester for days before I discovered the torture it had been put through; broken hinges, it’s lid removed from the bum sitting device, it wasn’t even connected to the toilet anymore.

2
No one knew anything. No one was going to do anything. I waited to see if anyone would put the toilet seat out of its misery. Nothing happened. I told Farmer to buy a new replacement as it was getting embarrassing the amount of toilet seats I had to buy. But he was too busy.

3
In a fit of rage, I took the remaining bit of wood and released it to a new life, out the bathroom window.

Farmer came in. He noticed.

“Errr the toilet seat seems to be missing”

And went and used another one.

4
I waited some more, in the hope that reinforcements would arrive. Days went by and each person who lives here would come to me and complain that the toilet seat was missing. I would give them the sad tail of the toilet seat and they would look at me and walk away quietly.

5
And still the toilet seat was not replaced. 10 days and I finally broke. I bought that damn toilet seat and bought it home. I took Farmer by the scuff of his shirt and plonked him in the bathroom with: “It is your damn turn” and enough finger wagging to last him a life time.

6
The new seat is in place. I’ve even made him put on the special stop-sliding-your-bathroom-toilet-seat-stoppers that he assured me the last time this happened, was unnecessary and that it wasn’t his bum sliding the toilet seat into oblivion.

7
He has all the hallmarks of being the certain person but I am still without proof. I’m not willing to get photos to prove it

I am hoping that this now marks the end of toilet gate but if I’m back here in 6 months with the same sad sorry tale…just lock me away

😬😬

8
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More from @muddymuddymum

17 Dec 20
Some light hearted humour for you, feel free to add in:

Rules on the farm:

1. Sod's law states you will always need to pee after; putting on numerous layers; whilst wearing bib and brace; when your trousers are wet and stuck to your butt; when your hands are mucky.
2. Always make sure you have more than you need. Exact dosing quantities for the animals you have usually see you run out on the very last animal.

Let's pretend that didn't happen...

😂😂
3. Don't take the swear words to heart. Working with animals/your other half/family can make us all sound like drunken sailor and our best loved pets can often be referred to with the unkindest of names. It's all normal.

And swear words DO help you to cope with the situation.
Read 12 tweets
15 Dec 20
A sheep thread ⬇️

Now some of you may remember I’ve got a stinking cold and sheep work to do today.

It didn’t start well.

First the mule wouldn’t start.

Then Farmer forgot me, or rather to help me get the mule, the bits and sort the race out again after the weekends clean

1
I’m in and out of the mule (once it finally started) opening and shutting gates.

Farmer gets a stern talking to.

Then our yard & road is filled with HiLine and Western Power vehicles who are here to turn the power off (oops forgot that)

One parked in the gateway to the ewes

2
So I have to walk it with the buckets of food. The girls mobbed me, really mobbed me. Normally this would be ok but with barely any energy, I struggled to keep hold of the buckets and to stay standing.

Get the girls around to the race, Farmer isn’t ready...

3
Read 7 tweets
18 Jul 20
Muddy dog is a bit whiffy at the moment, and moulting *oh the fun of having a dog!)

So I decided he needed a good brush and a wash...

But that never quite goes to plan...

1
So first the brushing. Except MD won't sit still. Plus he really lives the attention so he keeps trying to lick me with devotion. He has really bad dog breath (he eats shit, what can I sat) and he managed to tongue me. Dog breath tastes like it smells btw.

2
Not only will he not sit still, he also won't let me brush both sides because it inevitably means he has to face away from me at some point which will end the tongue licking session. Next thing I'm on top of him trying to brush both sides when he takes off and I'm riding him

3
Read 9 tweets

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