A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.
Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard and began to drown.
Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins.

Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.

They replied, “You’re welcome!” fisherman said, “You can talk! This is amazing! Is there anything I can do to repay you for saving my life?”
Yes, indeed,” one of the dolphins replied. “We are magical dolphins. We are also immortal, as long as we consume a rare breed of seagull chick once every 500 years. As it so happens, our time of need is near.”
“We ask that you travel to the Island of Gulls and get a chick for each of us. There is but one tree on the island, and the nests are in that tree.”
The man followed the dolphins in his boat to the island, dropped anchor waded ashore.
He could see the tree from the beach, and began his trek through the underbrush toward it.
He froze in his tracks, however, when he saw the base of the tree was guarded by huge lions.
Fortunately, they were fast asleep. Being a man of his word, the fisherman tiptoed around the lions and climbed the tree.
He snatched two of the odd, blue-colored chicks and stuffed one in each coat pocket.
He climbed down, crept back past the lions, fought his way back through the bushes, and was just within sight of his boat when he was stopped by a uniformed policeman.
“You’re under arrest, sir. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will…”
“Hold up, officer!” The man interjected. “What are the charges? What crime could I possibly have committed?”
“Sir,” the officer replied, “you are under arrest for transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.”

• • •

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More from @RCdeWinter

5 Sep
#poetry

The Mirror

She found the mirror hidden in the back
of a dusty curio shop and fell in love.
Its proportions and dignified antiquity
made it the perfect piece in which
to admire herself.
The ancient proprietor watched her
as she gazed at her pretty face in the glass.
He knew by her dress she couldn't afford it,
for though his premises were dusty and jumbled
all his treasures were just that –
treasures of impeccable craftsmanship,
venerable age and unimpeachable provenance.
But he had been waiting for her;
he knew she was the one meant for that mirror –
the only possible rightful owner.
Read 14 tweets
4 Sep
A man with hearing problems crashed his car into an expensive car,
The owner of the expensive car walked out of his house & said, “Give me $10,000 or I’ll beat the hell out of you!”
The man replied, “Who,buddy, I don’t have that much, but let me call my son – he trains dolphins.”
The man called his son and right as he was about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanked the phone out of his hand and said, “So you train dolphins? Well bring me $10,000 or I’ll beat your dad!”
The son answered, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”
15 minutes later the son pulled up in a jeep and out jumped 10 men who began beating the shit out of the owner of the car.
Read 4 tweets
4 Sep
Brendan and Mick saw an expensive pair of crocodile shoes in a Dublin shop one day.
Brendan said, “Look at the price of those shoes. I think we should get ourselves into that line of business.”
So they flew out to Africa, set up beside a notorious crocodile infested lake and got to work catching crocodiles.
After a long, hard day’s work they have a long line of dead crocodiles all along the lake shore.
They worked hard but were getting more frustrated and angry by the minute.
Mick finally gave in, saying, “This isn’t working, we’ve killed 26 crocodiles today and not one of them are any use to us!”
Read 4 tweets
4 Sep
still summer
yet somewhere around six o'clock
i dug out a hoodie it's that cold
but the earth is out of round
and what are we doing to fix it?
not enough for sure
unless common sense and an overarching love
for our only home can triumph over greed
we're doomed
~ RC deWinter
This was my #poetry theme for the day as well. I’ve been writing about the demise of the earth for years but now it seems even more urgent. We have got to forget greed and think about conserving the viabiliyof the only place we can live life as we know it.
Read 4 tweets
2 Sep
A woman’s husband had been ill in hospital for several months. He kept slipping in and out of a coma but she remained faithfully by his bedside every single day.
Then one day, when he woke from his coma, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she moved closer and sat beside him, with eyes filling with tears he whispered into her ear, “You know what? You’ve been with me through all the tough times. When I got fired from my job, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there for me.”
“When I got shot, you were by my side all the time. When we lost the house, you stayed right here with me. And even when my health started failing, you were still by my side…You know what?”
Read 4 tweets
22 Aug
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful woman in a swimsuit swam onto shore, told him she was a genie and had three gifts for him.

She said, “Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"
He replied "Ten years" and with that she she pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the swimsuit.

She then asked, "Tell me, how long has it been since you smoked a cigar?"

He replied "Again, 10 years" and with that she pulled a cigar and lighter from the swimsuit.
She then seductively unzipped the swimsuit and Saudi, "Now tell me – how long has it been since you've had some real fun?"

"My God!" he replied. Don't tell me you've got a playstation in there!"
Read 4 tweets

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