A lot of people may be confused about Texas and why the women don’t just use birth control, so I’d like to talk about my personal experience in this state to give some insight; first of all, Texas teaches abstinence only sex education. Purity culture reigns supreme.
The idea is that if you have sex as a female you are unclean and lose your worth in the eyes of male suitors, and god. Your dad may even take you to purity balls where you promise him, in a room full of other dads, not to have sex with any man until you’re married.
You may be thinking that this sounds like a period piece, some movie set in the 1500’s depicting how women should behave, until they are sold into marriage by their father. Honestly, this is very much a holdover from that era. Our religious indoctrination will also enforce this.
The high school/ middle school Bible study classes will be divided by sex, this is the first time our classes aren’t coed. The female classes are heavily reliant on the ideals of being sexually chaste. How birth control is basically for dirty women. Good girls don’t have sex.
Our middle school will have actors come on stage during assembly meetings to rap (yes literally rap) about not having sex and waiting for marriage because of god. The girls who have sex are depicted as worthless.
From almost every angle, our sexuality is demonized, our education, our religion, and our parents… the only people not demonizing our sexuality is boys, and older male creeps. They pressure us relentlessly. They aren’t educated on birth control, and they aren’t ashamed.
The coercion, begging, pressure, and eventual sexual assault are part of a purity culture female’s right of passage. TW: rape. My first boyfriend begged to just be able to touch it, and after days of begging and fighting him off of me I finally allowed him to.
He escalated the situation, soon he inside me with me crying, begging him to stop, until he completed inside of me, and apologized. I ran to the bathroom, and punched myself in the stomach, scared I was pregnant, and everyone would know I was unclean. I was 13.
I knew it was all my fault, I tempted him, I allowed him to touch me, I should have left, I should have fought harder, I should have dressed more conservatively. Based on my education, I internalized my own sexual assault. I clung to him after that. You’d think I’d leave, but no.
See I was taught that because I had sex, no other man would want me. David had to be my husband, David had to stay with me no matter what. Even after he raped me, repeatedly. Even after he cheated on me. Even after he got addicted to drugs.
Even after I found stories about grooming and raping minors on his computer. I thought I could fix him, I thought I could save him. I told his parents expecting them to help me save him, but they denied he had ever done anything wrong, and accused me of corrupting him.
Eventually, I ended up attempting suicide. In the hospital one of my friends visited me and showed me David’s online journal, where he chronicled everything he had done to me, and more importantly how funny it was to him.
The last line was “I don’t know why I can’t just let her go, it’s not because I love her, I guess it’s just because she’s so stupid she always comes back.”
I finally left him after that. I decided I’d rather be alone forever than stay with him.
I finally left him after that. I decided I’d rather be alone forever than stay with him.
I was released from the hospital and the next day sold his game systems to game stop, where I met a nice guy, who was interested in me. I finally realized I had been lied to, and that men will find you attractive, even if you have had sex.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that I realized how much trauma purity culture had put me through. I put all of the blame on David, and myself, for years. The truth is that the system was never designed to stop girls from having sex…
It was to shame them and punish them when they did. The goal wasn’t to stop teenage pregnancy, the goal was to control, subjugate, and demonize us. The goal was to make us internalize misogyny and loathe ourselves.
How many school classes teach boys not to rape, not to beg, not to cause damage? None. How many classes taught us how to use birth control, and gave it away for free? None. How many parents helped us to accept safe sex and an alternative? None.
All of the pressure is on young, impressionable female children. They are brainwashed. They are submerged in a culture that breaks them down. And now, they will be forced to carry shame pregnancies to term. They will be forced to raise babies when they are babies themselves.
Innocence lost forever…
Bible study in church was split up by age group, so there were middle school age classes and high school age classes at Bible study, at church. Bible study wasn’t taught at school. Sorry for the confusion here.
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