One thing I've been working on and frankly failing at is trying not to understand why ( therapy already helped with that ) but how to stop obsessing over people I like seeming not to really fuck with me...
This is the spot where losing my therapist ( she had a familail situation and I could no longer afford it- came at exactly the wrong time ...
Because she was already talking about the difference between understanding something and internalizing it, and then boom gone...
But Man the power of the brain, like even when I'm actively trying its so easy for it to slip back to want comes easy...
And I find myself running my head ragged about slights real or imagined from people who I dig. It's hurt some people I didn't mean to hurt, but it's hurt me even worse with certain folks taking advantage of the fact that I'm so happy to be in their good graces...
I had a person who I actually called a friend and she fractured my ribs, stole shit from me, and called the police on me and I remained on good terms with her until I moved and got clarity...
It felt alot like an abusive relationship, but we really were friends, and to some extent it was the woman thing, and an when we were good, very few homies clicked as well, and she preyed on all that shit ...
The people that hurt me got away with it many times because they frequently Madd me feel accepted, the ones who I hurt because I frequently felt inadequate. It's a helluva way to live and one I'm still heavily working on..
But a recent text from yet another person who was problematic has me all in my head again...And I know what the right thing to do is, but my brain once again is fucking at it...and I'm feeling very small again
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