Thread by @GailSimone

Okay, this is a bear thread. Warning, the punchline is kind of gross.

But at least it’s a short thread!

So, this whole ‘Gail is a bear’ thing started because I was in an important call with a director. I live in the boonies with huge glass windows all around.

Suddenly…

1/

During the call, I turn around, and there is a bear right outside on my back patio, trying to get in.

I’m having this cool meeting about an awesome project, I look up, a bear wants in.

It was a bit disconcerting.

2/

I am not afraid of bears as a rule, I chase them away with a broom, maybe not the smartest move, but this one surprised me, it was like he want IN RIGHT NOW.

We had been having a lot of trouble with bears, one huge bear made a nest right next to our house.

3/

And THAT huge bear had zero fear of humans. Which made going outside dicey for a while. He made a huge mess every other night, knocking over garbage, digging in my garden, we’d hear him at night all the time. Sometimes see him in the day.

4/

We called the authorities, they said their only option was to shoot him. I didn’t want that, but it’s dangerous to let them get too comfortable, we tried bear repellant, ammonia, bear horns, he had no fear and wouldn’t leave.

5/

We settled on ‘bear proof’ garbage cans, which just REALLY pissed the bear off. He would throw them around like marshmallows, one time flipping it (bafflingly) completely upside-down, so we found out can upside down the next day, like aliens did it.

6/

So, eventually, he got tired of the frustration and left our area, though we have had some close run-ins with smaller bears.

We thought the big one was gone. The one who showed up during the call is smaller, and became the bear joke that is still going, somehow…

But…

7/

Last night, I heard a LOT of noise in our driveway. We live in the boonies, a distance from anyone.

I thought, oh, crap, the big one’s back.

8/

So, this morning, I get up, and our garbage can is like this.

9/

But there’s more.

Because apparently, our big bear wanted to express his displeasure.

Which he did.

10/

He left THIS right outside our front door.

11/

I’m sorry, I find this both a little disturbing, and also, FREAKING HILARIOUS at the same time.

I think this is a bear Yelp review.

12/

“I have eaten at this garbage can many times in the past and have always had an excellent selection of trash and leftovers, and the ambience is hard to beat.

But a new policy made my last experience MOST unpleasant. I give this can one huge bear shit.”

13/

Honestly, I’m laughing, but how clear the message is slays me.

He didn’t poop near the can, he pooped near the FRONT DOOR.

I haven’t had a review like that since my issues of Teen Titans.

14/

And that is my bear story.

Have a lovely weekend, and I’m sorry, bears!

End/

P.S. You can’t tell by the photo because there’s no scale, but this is a HUGE dump he took, it’s the size of John Goodman’s big brothers.

P.P.S. I just realized…

…it could be Beorn poop.