Okay, this is a bear thread. Warning, the punchline is kind of gross.

But at least it’s a short thread!

So, this whole ‘Gail is a bear’ thing started because I was in an important call with a director. I live in the boonies with huge glass windows all around.


During the call, I turn around, and there is a bear right outside on my back patio, trying to get in.

I’m having this cool meeting about an awesome project, I look up, a bear wants in.

It was a bit disconcerting.

I am not afraid of bears as a rule, I chase them away with a broom, maybe not the smartest move, but this one surprised me, it was like he want IN RIGHT NOW.

We had been having a lot of trouble with bears, one huge bear made a nest right next to our house.

And THAT huge bear had zero fear of humans. Which made going outside dicey for a while. He made a huge mess every other night, knocking over garbage, digging in my garden, we’d hear him at night all the time. Sometimes see him in the day.

We called the authorities, they said their only option was to shoot him. I didn’t want that, but it’s dangerous to let them get too comfortable, we tried bear repellant, ammonia, bear horns, he had no fear and wouldn’t leave.

We settled on ‘bear proof’ garbage cans, which just REALLY pissed the bear off. He would throw them around like marshmallows, one time flipping it (bafflingly) completely upside-down, so we found out can upside down the next day, like aliens did it.

So, eventually, he got tired of the frustration and left our area, though we have had some close run-ins with smaller bears.

We thought the big one was gone. The one who showed up during the call is smaller, and became the bear joke that is still going, somehow…


Last night, I heard a LOT of noise in our driveway. We live in the boonies, a distance from anyone.

I thought, oh, crap, the big one’s back.

So, this morning, I get up, and our garbage can is like this.

But there’s more.

Because apparently, our big bear wanted to express his displeasure.

Which he did.

He left THIS right outside our front door.

I’m sorry, I find this both a little disturbing, and also, FREAKING HILARIOUS at the same time.

I think this is a bear Yelp review.

“I have eaten at this garbage can many times in the past and have always had an excellent selection of trash and leftovers, and the ambience is hard to beat.

But a new policy made my last experience MOST unpleasant. I give this can one huge bear shit.”

Honestly, I’m laughing, but how clear the message is slays me.

He didn’t poop near the can, he pooped near the FRONT DOOR.

I haven’t had a review like that since my issues of Teen Titans.

And that is my bear story.

Have a lovely weekend, and I’m sorry, bears!

P.S. You can’t tell by the photo because there’s no scale, but this is a HUGE dump he took, it’s the size of John Goodman’s big brothers.
P.P.S. I just realized…

…it could be Beorn poop.

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More from @GailSimone

19 Aug
So a while back, the great @tombrevoort made a point that when someone gets a chance to write at Marvel, they always stick in every one of their favorite MU things and characters, in case they never get another chance…

I’m my case, it’s kind of true…

Every time I do something there, which isn’t that often, I always stick in all the stuff that made me love Marvel as a kid.

So I had to put in Shang Chi, the Mole Man, the Celestials, Taskmaster, the Punisher, Spidey, Black Widow, Morbius, etc.

Because I love ‘em.

I’m curious. I see Tom’s point, I think, that it could get formulaic, and could stop people from inventing NEW stuff.

But I wonder if the writers and artists drawing their favorites adds a level of enthusiasm and excitement.

It did for me for sure.

Read 8 tweets
19 Aug
Ruin LORD OF THE RINGS in four words.

_______ _______ ________ ________
Gollum lap dances everyone.
Aragorn kicks all helmets
Read 8 tweets
18 Aug
Jesus, Take The Hamster Wheel

Take This Hamster And Shove It

All My Hamster Exes Live In Texas

Read 5 tweets
15 Aug
Okay, the question of the day is…

…whether as a kid or an adult, did you ever find a villain in a comic book to be legitimately scary?

Who, and what scared you about them?

I got a stack of old comics from a garage sale when I was just a kid…and there were some villains in them who scared the crap out of me. To this day, they still scare me a bit!

First, these two. Their lack of humanity really got to me!

#ScaryComicVillains ImageImage
And for some reason, the villains of the Legion really got to me.

First, Mordru. He just seemed so deranged and gleeful in his malice.

I was scared to finish that story as a kid!

#ScaryComicVillain Image
Read 4 tweets
8 Aug
Okay, I am sorry to do this, but I have to post a little bit about boundaries. I am only speaking for myself, but I am pretty sure it’s the same for many, if not most, comic book pros.

Please understand, this thread is a necessity.

It’s about asking for help/advice.

I get a lot, a LOT of dms and Facebook messages from people I don;t really know, asking big, big open-ended questions about how to break into comics.

Folks, please stop. That is not fair to ask.

It’s too big a question, for one thing.

I have spent endless hours covering these topics, I have never asked a thing in return.

When you send me a private email just assuming I will be delighted to explain a massive set of answers for you, and that I can take my time to do it, that is upsetting.

Read 15 tweets
6 Aug
Here is a non-spoilery comment about #TheSuicideSquad.

I watched the trailers many times, and couldn't help but think Bloodsport was going to just be a stand-in character for Deadshot, due to Will Smith's unavailabilty.

I was SO wrong.

For me, best character in the film.
I was convinced he was going to be the trade-in for Deadshot. I had no idea he would have the most interesting and compelling emotional moments of the entire film.

It has got to be tough, stealing scenes from much more outrageous characters, but he did it over and over.
Just an absolute tribute to Idris Elba's acting and charisma, and @JamesGunn's brilliant writing and direction. In a movie with a giant starfish, they managed some genuinely subtle and moving moments with Bloodsport.


Read 4 tweets

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