Thread by @theonlywayisup

Morning all,
Things to look forward to this week:
1. No gas. Yes, that's right, we're running out of gas. Government says there is no immediate cause for concern, which is shorthand for "We're fucked"
2. No carbon dioxide. So not only will your tonic be flatter than ....

.... a vampire's ECG, but you'll be lucky to get any prepack fresh meat which relies upon the stuff too.
3. No fresh meat - the good news is, the shortage of CO2 won't be an issue, because of the shortage of staff at meat processing plants.
4. The staff shortage....

....... isn't an issue because even if there were butchers, and CO2, there are no frigging lorry drivers, so it's all moot. Take advantage of this opportunity to embrace vegetarianism, and get stuck into a nice cauliflower, or some juicy courgettes.
5. Except they are all rotting

..... in the fields because there is no-one to pick them.
6. Which doesn't really matter because even if there was, we're back to the old lorry driver issue again, ie, there aren't any.
7. In short, look forward to a midweek roast turnip which you have foraged yourself from...

.....a nearby field, washed down with lashings of flat tonic water, and cooked over the burning embers of some broken pallets and an old tyre.

See you next week for the next edition of Sunlit Uplands!
#BrexitDividend