Thread by @AlexBuddyUp1

Here are 12 tips to make people comfortable speaking with you thanks to empathy

This is inspired by "Deploy Empathy" book by Michele Hansen (@mjwhansen)

Great for customer interviews

Also great for #GrowthBuddy check-ins since these tips rely on active listening

@mjwhansen 1/ Use a gentle voice

It's crucial to establish a "bubble of suspended judgement", as Michele says.

Smiling and speaking with a gentle voice will help you on that.

@mjwhansen 2/ Validate

You might not agree with everything said by the other person.

But you must at least make the other person feel good about themselves.

For example: "It's nice to see how passionate your are about .."

@mjwhansen 3/ Pauses

It's a common habit to help people finish their phrases or find the words he/she's struggling on finding.

But this is detrimental to their own thinking.

Leaving pauses encourage them to think by themselves and feed the discussion.

@mjwhansen 4/ Mirror and summarize

While it's nice to leave pauses, you also want the person to reflect about what they say.

This is done by repeating or summarizing what they just said so that they can elaborate on it.

@mjwhansen 5/ Don't interrupt

For many people, interrupting is a habit, even a communication style!

But you want to make sure the other person is not interrupted to keep her flow of conversation going.

@mjwhansen 6/ Use plain language

Many times, we use jargons that are only accessible to a select few.

However, your priority should rather be to make what you say as clear as possible to the other person.

@mjwhansen 7/ Ask clarifications, even when not needed

Many times we are hesitant of asking questions for fear of looking dumb

But if you ask the question anyway, you will help the other person feel knowledgeable and useful.

You may even ask a question when you already know the answer!

@mjwhansen 8/ Don't argue/get defensive

If someone expresses ideas that are contrary to yours or say what you created does not work, you might get defensive and try to argue with them

But this is not constructive

It's better to try to understand them by asking curiosity-based questions

@mjwhansen 9/ Don't negate

In improv, it's a common rule to never contradict what has just been said.

You want to do the same here.

Try to go with whatever they say and build on it, even if it seems wrong to you.

@mjwhansen 10/ Let them be the expert

Each person is the expert of their own experience, even if it isn't factually correct.

Instead of sharing your own version of what is right, try to understand how they came to think that way.

@mjwhansen 11/ Use their words and expressions

If they use a special pronunciation for a word, match the pronunciation.

If they use emailMonkey instead of mailChimp, use emailMonkey.

It felt weird to me when learning this from Michele but I agree it's a nice way to maintain good rapport

@mjwhansen 12/ Be a role model

This one is not part of "deploy empathy".

But it works well with #GrowthBuddy check-ins.

If you want someone to open up, just show the way by opening up yourself.

In a customer interview, this can be at the beginning when you introduce yourself.