Thread by @AlexBuddyUp1

Last week, I spoke about the trap of the "mean" accountability buddy

The short sighted belief that you must be "mean" with your buddy to help him/her achieve more

But then how are you supposed to react when you can't see much progress on his/her part?

Let's find out!

A thread

1/ First, let's be careful with "progress", as it is not always that easy to measure.

Particularly for insight problems, where it is often difficult to determine whether any progress at all has been made until the problem is essentially solved.

2/ Even if your buddy thinks it has been a poor week, some great things might actually be happening in his/her brain behind the scenes.

Who knows, he/she might be on the brink of a great breakthrough.

3/ That being said, some tasks DO have a clear path.

And you want to find out why your buddy did not reach them.

Especially when some actions get postponed from week to week.

4/ Usually, your buddy is going to be uncomfortable about that.

So you need to be compassionate about his/her feelings.

You are not trying to give your buddy a good or bad mark.

You are just trying to help him/her accomplish what they want to accomplish.

5/ To do that, you want to avoid the word "Why", which often implies criticism and defensiveness, while you just seek facts.

So you want to find another expression like "What happened ?" or "What were the reasons... ?" or "What factors prevented you from doing this ?"

6/ Sometimes, the answer can be very straight forward, like:

"I just didn't need to do it anymore"

Or your buddy might have had more pressing priorities.

7/ Once again, remember that the map is not the territory.

Your buddy can't foresee everything that's going to happen during his/her journey.

There might by unexpected obstacles.

Your buddy might want to change course because of an immediate threat or an opportunity to seize.

8/ The most important here is the "agency" aspect.

If an action gets postponed in a mindful way, there's no regret, and everything is fine.

9/ But if your buddy thinks he/she could have done a better job at it.

And if he/she wants to raise the probability that a task will actually be done by the next check-in.

Then you need to have a closer look at it.

We'll talk more about it next week..