Thread by @AutSciPerson

Anyone else just ever need a demand break?

Yes I'm making up a term.

1/13

I'll give you an example:

One day recently, I woke up, mostly awake, and I laid in bed for 3 hours afterwards.

I wasn't even comfortable. I was on my phone on twitter. But I just didn't want to Do All The Things.

2/13

What are all the things?

Sitting up
Getting dressed
Deciding on breakfast
Getting a bowl
Putting it on a desk
Eating the food
Thinking about work
Being anxious about work
Trying to motivate myself to work
Finding a podcast or music to listen to

3/13

It's as if my brain wanted time to freeze. I just needed some time because once I sat up or got out of bed, I would "Have To Do Things."

As long as I stayed laying down uncomfortable in bed I was free of demands.

4/13

And if I had gotten up during that time, I would've hated the rest of the day, and been even more unproductive. Because once my brain decide It was time, I -could- do most of the things. And I wasn't as anxious anymore.

5/13

Another version of this is knowing you "need" to shower but simply not being able to get out of your chair to do it, or something as simple as opening the cap on your water bottle to drink some water when you just can't do it. Or knowing your stomach hurts but you can't eat

6/13

Most of the time if I "try" to get myself to do the thing, I'll feel terrible the whole time and even afterwards. The problem is there is no way to predict when I will want to do the thing. I didn't think I'd be in bed for several hours that day, I didn't plan on it.

7/13

I think something some non-autistic people don't understand is that they think taking care of yourself means - well, eating on time, drinking enough water, showering regularly,

when sometimes it will end up looking like me laying in bed for 3 hours not eating or drinking.

8/13

Other times it means not showering for 7 days, or only eating ice cream for dinner, or not eating at all, or eating way too much of one thing.

It's like a hibernation mode or a standby mode. Demands simply don't compute and cannot be done.

9/13

Making autistic people push through those moments is probably going to make their mental health worse.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying these things are good or helpful to do. But most of the time, autistic recovery to outsiders looks like the opposite of self-care.

10/13

Sometimes what I need is to not take care of myself. It sounds absolutely backwards, but it's 100% true. Sometimes I need to binge watch TV shows until my eyes hurt and feel like crap because I laid on a couch all day and barely ate anything.

11/13

The thing for me that helps is finding the absolute minimum that is doable. Can I take a pack of poptarts to the couch before I lay down? Can I bring my water to the couch before I lay down?

What's the bare minimum I need to get by today?

12/13

That sense of needing to be off of this planet where demands don't exist is quite real. Even when it comes to demands about caring for your own well-being.

I wish we had a better way to explain this to abled non-autistic people.

13/13

I'm also realizing that this probably isn't talked about that much because in general, society shames people who don't live up to the standards of living.

Eating dessert for dinner is often seen as "childish" - as well as not showering, as well as not getting out of bed.

14/

The shame around these are all based in ableism and conformity. These are things most people don't want or will likely not admit to others because it would "look bad" if they talked about it. These are things people get bullied about in school, even in college.

15/

I don't think many abled non-autistic people have an understanding of how difficult it is to do this "basic tasks" which are often not basic for us. Doing the dishes, cleaning rooms -

A lot of this stuff that we can't do, we get told off about as children. So we hide it.
16/

We've learned that it's bad and not keeping up with hygiene and not keeping a clean space therefore makes us bad people. Not eating vegetable is bad. Not finishing homework is bad. Not being able to brush your teeth or shower is bad.

It's no wonder autistic kids melt down.
17/

I would implore you to give yourself grace.
You're not bad for not being able to shower, for not being able to brush your teeth like you'd wish you could, for not being able to eat vegetables everyday, for not being able to do laundry, for not being able to get out of bed.
18/

Maybe you just need a demand break. 💜
19/

https://twitter.com/AutSciPerson/status/1444330794730852360?s=20