Thread by @SoozUK

Grab a drink, Di lovers, we're pressing play in 8 minutes! #DianaTheMusical #DianaNetflix

https://twitter.com/SoozUK/status/1444280423358636035

3 minutes....

Aaaaaaand PRESS PLAY NOW NOW NOW!!!!

The Netflix BA-DUM is the overture btw, not this weird 80s synth n guitar.

Wait, this is just the ending of Bombshell, the musical in Smash! "When you sing Happy Birthday to someone you love or see diamonds you wish were all free please say that you won't I pray that you don't forget me!" #DianaTheMusical

WEYYYYYY COWMILLA'S ALREADY HERE! #DianaTheMusical

I have nothing but respect for a musical that BEGINS with the 11 o'clock number. #DianaTheMusical

Here's Big Liz! And her opening line is "the playboy prince needs a lady!"

She's telling Charles off for being a shagger and that's very progressive tbh. #DianaTheMusical

OK so we're in Expositionville, kids. This show is bravely deciding to tell it not show it. Charles has a lovely pop tenor and hearing him harmonise with Big Liz is a treat. #TheWorstJobInEngland #DianaTheMusical

Hahahaha the next scene opens with ar Di going "me, the Princess of Wales, imaaagine" and I am HOOKED, kids. Her mate just said "against all the odds you're still a virgin" which is probably a thing that actually happened because the Royal Family is GROSS. #DianaTheMusical

Charles just asked ar Di on a date over the phone but COWMILLA is there. Wow, just wow. #DianaTheMusical

Right they've gone to watch some classical music on their date and Cowmilla has said "I feel loike Oi've becamm a big seester to yow" and HISSSSS! HISSSSS AT THE SNAKE! #DianaTheMusical

I fully believe that Charles loudly sings over cellists while Cowmilla yells "CHARLES LOIKES CLEVER GIRLS" in reality so 10 out of 10 for this scene. #DianaTheMusical

"This is how your people, this is how your people daaaance!"

Look....it isn't....

#DianaTheMusical

Diana has torn off her dress to reveal a different equally conservative dress underneath. #DianaTheMusical

Cowmilla is singing the Mistress's Lament. #DianaTheMusical

Here are the paps! "Snap click snap click!"

The lyrics "better than a Guinness, better than a wank" have been well-documented already on here but I think it's very funny that they think everyone here drinks Guinness. #DianaTheMusical

Kudos to the ensemble btw, they are SELLING this. #macchoreography #DianaTheMusical

Big Liz is having none of Charles's complaints that he'd rather be boffing off Cowmilla. Now she's singing of HER handsome romantic prince, the love of her life (it's comedy bigot and philanderer Prince Philip btw).

#DianaTheMusical

BARBARA CARTLAND! #DianaTheMusical

"I'll guard you from that bloody mess/known as the British press"

DON'T LISTEN TO HER, AR DI, HE FUCKEN WON'T! #DianaTheMusical

I HAVE always wanted to hear Prince Charles riff, thank you #DianaTheMusical!

Is this....is this Paul Burrell????!!!! "It's a....it's a snaaaaaake" #DianaTheMusical

My wish came true I guess. #DianaTheMusical

https://twitter.com/SoozUK/status/908041519701118988

"I will make him love me!" That's the spirit, ar Di! #DianaTheMusical

WAIT HOW DID SHE GET IN TO THAT DRESS SO FAST FUCKING WHAT #DianaTheMusical

Andrew Parker-Bowles gets a moment where he sings that Cowmilla is his dream girl oh wow #DianaTheMusical has EVERYTHING!

Charles is speaking Welsh and I finally see the appeal of the ol' cad. #DianaTheMusical

Welsh. Accents. #DianaTheMusical

Right, so they're doing the "the public prefers ar Di to Charles" bit and Charles is proper giving it "How does Hamilton an arrogant, immigrant, orphan, bastard, whoreson?!"

Cowmilla is like 🤷‍♀️

#DianaTheMusical

"A baby, Charles"
"What?!"
"I'm going to have your baby, Charles"
"A baby!"

All sung. God bless #DianaTheMusical and all who sail in her.

Wow this plot rollicks along! She just told Charles she's preggo and then we fade to black, fade up and she's flat-out holding a Tiny Tears and singing "William, my prize...". #DianaTheMusical

"Darling I'm holding our son/and may I say jolly well done"

Charles you are history's greatest monster. #DianaTheMusical

Can't fucking wait til the duet where Charles sings about wanting to be Cowmilla's tampon over the phone, probably halfway through Act 2. #DianaTheMusical

WAIT! We've jumped forward several years coz now HARRY HAS BEEN BORN. It's only been on 41 minutes, this bodes well for how much time will be spent on the tampon duet centrepiece coz they're gonna run out of ar Di soon. #DianaTheMusical

Ar Di smashed the mirror! It's just like the ending of Tommy!

PS kudos to this Di's belt, it's GERJUS! #DianaTheMusical

Charles has shown up at ar Di's hospital bedside with flowers....I presume at this musical's pace it's now 1993 or something, idk. #DianaTheMusical

"A monarch must give BUT NOT TOO MUCH"

Big Liz is doing it for altos everywhere. Also, her hair is still super-chestnutty. #DianaTheMusical

It's the Big Liz/Cowmilla/Ar Di's Sister Sarah trio now...Anjelicaaaaaa WERK.

(Ar Di's Sister Sarah is And Peggy)

#DianaTheMusical

"Who the bloody hell wants to be symbol?!" YEAH TELL 'IM AR DI! #DianaTheMusical

Seriously, is this guy meant to be Paul Burrell?! #DianaTheMusical

Yeah well I'm singing Uptown Girl as a counterpoint right now and they'd better list that dancer as Wayne Sleep in the credits. #DianaTheMusical

Ar Di is so nice she refers to Cowmilla as Mrs Parker-Bowles. #DianaTheMusical

I can't wait to hear 18-year-olds sing this You Married Me number at drama school auditions.

I mean, I won't be at those auditions, that would be weird, but I can totally see it happening in my brainbox. #DianaTheMusical

"All the harm that we do to our boys/living inside this castle of noise"

#DianaTheMusical

"Serves me right for marrying a Scorpio" is a LYRIC.

#DianaTheMusical

Hahahaha Andrew Parker-Bowles is so CUCKED in this show. #DianaTheMusical

Cowmilla is pure class, she is giving us #Tonys realness and I'm rooting for her. #DianaTheMusical

"A pretty pretty girl in a pretty pretty dress/the press has always used her so now she'll use the press" legit slaps. #DianaTheMusical

Hahaha oh wow this is the Rainbow High number! Ar, Di, lips, fashion, suits, revenge, royals, passion.

Big Liz is PEEVED that Charles has been knocking off his side-piece coz it's made Ar Di behave like a right nutter (wearing dresses that aren't British). #DianaTheMusical

Oh is this the interval? A ROSE! FORESHADOWING! #DianaTheMusical

Wait, is Barbara Cartland the King George of the piece? We've only seen her once before...and she's like "hi guys me again lol". #DianaTheMusical

Right, here's James Hewitt and he's got jodhpurs and NO SHIRT ON and he's STACKED and also has an American accent. He's being painted as a proper sex symbol to all women which he....wasn't. #DianaTheMusical

Suddenly Barbara Cartland is our show's narrator. THIS IS A BRAND NEW DEVICE, #DianaTheMusical!

Barbara Cartland: "It's a blur of him and herrrrr!"

#DianaTheMusical

Right, so ar Di is still madly in love with Charles but her side-piece James Hewitt is like "run away with me" and Charles is all "Cowmilla tho ❤️" and "idgaf about ar Di and Hewitt". #DianaTheMusical

Basically Cowmilla is the hero of this story. I presume she was one of the producers. #DianaTheMusical

"Especially after what MARGARET THATCHER has done"

YES! Ar Di gets political. Comrade Ar Di. #DianaTheMusical

"We'll have a nice time!" Ar Di to a bunch of guys on an AIDS ward who are all SELLING IT, just make the whole musical about this. #DianaTheMusical

"I'm so glad I came, I enjoyed all your jokes!"
"Well you always enjoyed sexy young blokes!"

Banter duet on the AIDS ward with ar Di and the fellas. #DianaTheMusical

Sorry, but ar Di's sister is a straight-up nightmare and the show's villain.

Where is Fergie? I miss her. #DianaTheMusical

"PAUL!?"

It fucking IS Paul Burrell! #DianaTheMusical

Ar Di has arrived at a party where Charles and Cowmilla were hoping to cop off. DRAG HER, BABE! #DianaTheMusical

Cowmilla's sparkly black pencil skirt suit fckn SLAPS, it's the best outfit in the show. #DianaTheMusical

"It's a Thriller in Manilla BUT with Diana and Cowmilla!" is a LYRIC! (they actually say Camilla) #DianaTheMusical

This has hints of "now you lie, you lie, I've never been so thin!" from Dreamgirls and I'm HERE FOR IT. #ThrillerInManilla #DianaTheMusical

Right Charles and ar Di agree to divorce and she goes "right Hewitt good news we can eff off to America now" and he goes "nah Germany" and she's like "gtfo". Ar Di's paranoia has begun! #DianaTheMusical

"They'll paint me as some randy stableboy plaything!" laments James Hewitt (who was introduced 20 minutes ago as a shirtless hip-wiggler). #DianaTheMusical

"YES THIS IS ANDREW MORTON!"

This guy is really selling his Best Supporting For Your Consideration moment. #DianaTheMusical

"He's a third rate Henry the VIII and SHE'S GODZILLA!" that's ar Di rhyming with Cowmilla to Andrew Morton. #DianaTheMusical

OK so everyone's reading Morton's book about ar Di EVEN BIG LIZ! Yeah, the queen is reading it and she is FURIOUS! #DianaTheMusical

YES! Book choreography, my fucking favourite. Also, they rhyme "bulimia" with "the media". #DianaTheMusical

Is the queen just....never gonna get a grey hair then? #DianaTheMusical

Wow Cowmilla just slagged off one of Charles's paintings! He loves doing his art, wow, she is SOMETHING ELSE. Iconic. #DianaTheMusical

Cowmilla and Charles are fucken obsessed with Sundays. #DianaTheMusical

Omg are they about to do a whole sequence centred about the Revenge Dress? FUUUUUUCK YEEEESSSS! #DianaTheMusical

PAUL BURRELL HAS GOT A STRONG POP TENOR AND HIS OWN 60s INSPIRED NUMBER ALL ABOUT THE REVENGE DRESS! #DianaTheMusical

"This feckity feckity feckity feckity feck you dress"

Wow this IS what Burrell was like! #DianaTheMusical

Big Liz is absolutely fucking FEWMIN about the eff you dress. They say "feck" and "eff" throughout apart from right at the end when Burrell daringly goes "FUCK YOU DRESS". #DianaTheMusical

Big Liz and ar Di are having tea together and Liz is singing a handsome regal number about how she actually GETS how ar Di feels coz Prince Philip was boffing off birds on the side n all. #DianaTheMusical

Big Liz isn't actually singing about how Phil cheated on her but he did. #DianaTheMusical

I hope the rest of this show is about how she insists on still being allowed to use the Buckingham Palace gym which is what happened in real life. Then just a one-line projection on the stage about how she died. #DianaTheMusical

I'm aware we don't have much runtime yet and ar Di's doing another 11 o'clock number. She's flogging her dresses at auction. #DianaTheMusical

I think this might be our big closer actually! It's very "The ophanage... *slightly higher this time* the orphanage..."

#DianaTheMusical

Oh they're doing her death with "wow news coming out of Paris..." snippets from the ensemble in a variety of different accents while ar Di looks a bit baffled like "you fckn wot m8?". #DianaTheMusical

Ar Di has died. #DianaTheMusical

She walks slowly in silence to the back of the stage....Charles, Cowmilla and Big Liza stride to the front of the stage to lead the ensemble in "who lives who dies who tells your story"

#DianaTheMusical

AND CREDITS! Well everyone, that was #DianaTheMusical and I had an absolute blast. Kudos to all involved, that was a camp Saturday night treat and thank you for joining me, comrades. You can tip me for my hot takes at ko-fi.com/soozuk