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Sooz
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3 Oct, 4 tweets, 1 min read
Nothing annoys me more than when serial killers think they're hilarious. They should be sentenced to a lifetime of nobody laughing at their shit banter.
I think the bad comedy of serial killers is among their worst crimes.
Been reading about the Amazon Reviews Killer and watching videos of his interrogation and jeeeeeeeeesus, you've met him down the open mic trying out his material on everyone before the audience arrive, mic-thief circuit-clogging nightmare.

Also, he killed people.
OH SHIT I just started listening to this week's @LPontheleft and it's about Mike Warnke who DID COMEDY! I don't think he killed anyone though.

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More from @SoozUK

Sooz
3 Oct
THREAD: The Tory cabinet as cars commercially available in Britain in the 1990s.

SAJID JAVID, Minister for Health: Rover 100. A brand you can trust! A modern Mini! One of us! A safe pair of hands? Deeply uncool, woefully unreliable and horribly uncomfortable even in top spec.
NADINE DORRIES, Minister for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport: Vauxhall Frontera. Absolutely no business working in this field but ploughs on regardless, grinding to a withered halt every few miles due to an engine that just can’t hack it. Dangerous bullbars cause deaths.
JACOB REES-MOGG, Speaker of the House: Bristol Blenheim. Expensive, British-made, heavy, pointless, unreliable with evil lurking beneath the bonnet…there are a hundred better options than this and yet he refuses to disappear.
Read 16 tweets
Sooz
2 Oct
Grab a drink, Di lovers, we're pressing play in 8 minutes! #DianaTheMusical #DianaNetflix
3 minutes....
Aaaaaaand PRESS PLAY NOW NOW NOW!!!!
Read 89 tweets
Sooz
1 Oct
It's deeply insulting to Sarah's memory, her family and to women everywhere to now have "in future, ladies, here's what you can do that Sarah failed to do to" spouted at us when taking some form of action against the man nicknamed "the rapist" by colleagues was always an option.
"Waving down a bus" when you're not even at a bus stop is a complete impossibility anyway, they don't stop, you'd be lucky to get a second glance from the driver. And I dunno if you've heard but busses aren't just constantly driving down every single road 24/7.
Last week I tweeted about getting driven home at night from my local station which is two miles away and had numerous men in my replies clucking and tutting that I'd been so lazy and not walked such a short distance. 2 miles. Alone. At night. Fuck you.
Read 8 tweets
Sooz
29 Sep
THREAD: How every model of the VW Passat series feels about how Brexit is going.

ORIGINAL 1973 PASSAT: Tells everyone "I can remember the early days of the single market" without elaborating. Currently out of fuel.
1981 PASSAT ESTATE: Has had the picture of Thatcher in that EU jumper as their Facebook profile pic since mid-June 2016.

Currently out of fuel.
1988 PASSAT: Certain that Brexit is great apart from at 3am where they have to share a bunch of pro-Brexit Facebook memes in order to get to sleep. Blames the fuel crisis on media hysteria, lazy lorry drivers and that one man with the jerry cans.

Currently out of fuel.
Read 12 tweets
Sooz
28 Sep
MINI THREAD: When Blair's Labour brought in the minimum wage in 1999 (after it was a big part of his 1997 manifesto) the debate surrounding it was: it will destroy small businesses and how will the public pay for it?
Spoiler alert: it worked out just fine, small businesses survived the dastardly minimum wage and it has had no negative impact on jobs. But living costs have gone up significantly so the minimum wage needs to rise accordingly.
A minimum wage now doesn't seem very radical, it seems like common sense even if you don't agree it should rise to meet the higher cost of living. But in 1997 the same arguments against it now being £15 were being yeeted about.
Read 12 tweets
Sooz
27 Sep
I just had a "another shit Christmas then is it?" and remembered that last Christmas mother and I were in the depths of COVID and I woke up on Christmas Day itself to discover I couldn't smell or taste and sadly ate some Cadbury's chocolate fingers and it was like eating candles.
Mum took to her bed on Boxing Day like a doomed Victorian and was delirious and more ill than she's ever been before for over a week. Following her collapsing one night I was sat outside her bedroom at 3am for a couple of nights to check she hadn't copped it.
I, not quite with it, decided I HAD TO earn £££ in case mum couldn't work for a long time so I did a big NYE Twitch gig high on codeine and Lemsip and while doing Liza I went "ONE MINUTE PLS!" and ran off to check Anna hadn't died because how awful if she had while I was Liza.
Read 5 tweets

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