Thread by @gaialect

tw // abuse
this woman who was physically abused by her partner shared her story. she expressed how women from age 21-24 are most likely to find themselves in physically abusive relationships. she explained how her partner at the time lovebombed her.

she mentioned how he was innocent looking, how he treated her so great in the beginning, like no one had before. paid attention to her like no one had. supported every though, idea and dream she had. was truly the perfect person. was very much so devoted to everything about her.

it went on for quite awhile like this. then the next thing on his agenda (same for most abusers) is to isolate the victim from their loved ones. so he mentioned moving to another state. she really loved him and figured okay we can do that.

they were engaged to be married. the wedding was in 5 days. he got angry, choked her & slammed her head against the wall repeatedly. 5 days is how long it took for those bruises to fade and she proceeded with the wedding. because he apologized profusely & swore it was a mistake.

he reassured her that it was an isolated incident and would never happen again. now she was i believe 24 at this time? very young, impressionable and before this, no violence had occurred. so of course she believed him. after they got married, the abuse became more frequent.

more choking, punching her while she was driving, pouring coffee beans on her head while she got ready to go for a job interview. holding a loaded gun to her head and threatening her. he beat her 1-2 times a week. she didn't have any resources to fully grasp what was happening.

she said a common thought amongst abuse victims is them thinking that they are completely alone going through this. that no one else would understand. when it's such a common and scary occurrence. she said she didn't view herself as a battered wife. she viewed herself as

"a strong woman helping a troubled man through his tough time" that she would be the one to help him. (because he expressed to her he was violently beaten as a kid by his stepfather.) she realized how toxic that way of thinking is. how it excuses their behavior.

i was so grateful for her story and the awareness she's bringing to what we know to be true about abuse and victim mindset. she also says the worst thing you could say to a victim of abuse is "why don't you just leave" because research shows,

a lot of times, a victim attempting to leave can end in stalking and death if not handled properly. so truthfully, i wanted to share this so we can better understand. so we can move away from victim blaming and more towards how to raise awareness to the signs of abuse in others.

how we can effectively help them. we all have accepted less than we deserve at some point. we have made excuses for emotional and verbal abuse from people we loved because they too "did not start off that way". have more compassion and understanding for people.

this is Leslie Morgan Steiner's story and here is the link to the tedtalk where she tells you the full story that was paraphrased in this thread. please take the time to watch and share.