Thread by @CandiceBenbow

My dad was absent because, in the very beginning, he was inconsistent. I was a baby and in my toddler years and he was in and out. My mama set a boundary that she wasn’t going to allow him access to me if he wasn’t gon be consistent. Instead of stepping up, he disappeared.

I have no memories of him whatsoever. At one point, his aunt was my babysitter when I was a baby. I don’t even remember that, obviously.

When my mama set the boundary, he was out. He didn’t want the accountability of consistency. He also didn’t want her telling him what to do.

Of course his absence affected me. He was supposed to be in my life. We’re dishonest when we say a parent’s absence doesn’t have an impact. It does.

At the same time, my mother believed his absence in my life was better than his inconsistency. I respect that.

As an adult, I can say I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with his disappearing act AND I wish he was a present, active person in my life.

I don’t think I gotta choose one over the other. Both are my realities.

Parents who set boundaries to protect their children from harm are doing the right thing. The blame isn’t theirs. It’s the parent who isn’t doing what they’re supposed to do.

I will say I hope more parents are setting boundaries to protect their children and not being guilted into giving access where it has not been earned and is not healthy. Keep unhealthy parents away from kids. As difficult as it is, it’s really that simple.

And I hope people who are present in the lives of inconsistent parents don’t make it easy for them. They need to be held accountable for not being who their kids need them to be.

I believe in grace but yall need to shame their asses.