Two male colleagues at lunch time are discussing who's the better husband.
One asks the other, "If your househelp doesn't come, what all will you do to help your wife."
"What's even there to do?" says the second, drawing a blank.
Both turn towards me.
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One asks the other, "If your househelp doesn't come, what all will you do to help your wife."
"What's even there to do?" says the second, drawing a blank.
Both turn towards me.
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Next they discuss wiping their toddler's bum after a poop. Mr One says he's done it in emergency situations. Mr Two says he's done it a few times.
Both's kids are 2+ years old. Hmm...
Both acknowledge their wives are super women.
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Both's kids are 2+ years old. Hmm...
Both acknowledge their wives are super women.
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"Men are biologically incapable of doing these things," explains Mr One. "Women are just naturally so much better, kinder, more sensitive."
... Or that's programming.
Something like "boys will be boys" to justify men not having to do 'more' (or even a bit in this case).
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... Or that's programming.
Something like "boys will be boys" to justify men not having to do 'more' (or even a bit in this case).
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Amazingly, though, both these men have wanted to be fathers their whole life. Mr Two describes the moment his son was born as the happiest in his life.
Yet, somehow, fatherhood hasn't changed their lives too much.
Unlike their partners who are now mother first, woman later.
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Yet, somehow, fatherhood hasn't changed their lives too much.
Unlike their partners who are now mother first, woman later.
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Just last month I met an incredible woman who produced an entire shoot (while parallely producing two more), joining calls while breastfeeding ("Thank god for video off," she said), sleeping barely 5 hours, checking on nanny and DOP at the same time!
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All of this feels quite terrifying. How is it that a woman's role has (rightfully) evolved to so much more—professional, social entity, householder, wife, daughter, mother.
But men's roles have barely expanded because they are not sensitive enough!?
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But men's roles have barely expanded because they are not sensitive enough!?
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I'm not sure what else to say to articulate my fears, but all of this feels very scary.
How millions of women change their cities, houses, (leave their space) and move into a new, alien space, adjust, contribute to a new household, deal with a pregnancy AND raise a child—
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How millions of women change their cities, houses, (leave their space) and move into a new, alien space, adjust, contribute to a new household, deal with a pregnancy AND raise a child—
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—sleepless, tired and often burdened with "looking hot again".
Just because women can, they should?
Something has to change? How?
Share your thoughts/stories/experiences.
Happy to listen.
Just because women can, they should?
Something has to change? How?
Share your thoughts/stories/experiences.
Happy to listen.
One imp thing to note is the role WE women sometimes play in carrying ahead this system.
I am supposed to go on a 10 day trip in November. My first thought was not about my safety/travel/etc.
It was—"In November the maid is on leave. How will baba and Adi manage without me?"
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I am supposed to go on a 10 day trip in November. My first thought was not about my safety/travel/etc.
It was—"In November the maid is on leave. How will baba and Adi manage without me?"
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Are they both adults? Yes
Is there a replacement househelp? Yes.
Can they take care of themselves? Yes.
Yet, it feels like my responsibility to take care and make sure the house is running smoothly.
WHY? Conditioning.
I must, we must, grow out of it!!
Is there a replacement househelp? Yes.
Can they take care of themselves? Yes.
Yet, it feels like my responsibility to take care and make sure the house is running smoothly.
WHY? Conditioning.
I must, we must, grow out of it!!
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