Thread by @weitingliu

Being a parent has made me a better startup founder (and vice versa).

@sacca shared similar learning with @HarryStebbings on how he approaches his children and team members.

The similarity between parenting and managing is astounding.

Thread 👇

#parenting #startup

When someone in your life is upset - your kid, your partner, or your team member - Here's the golden rule:

You repeat back to them what you just heard them say.

Then wait. Let it sink in.

Don't try to solve their problems (*important*). Don't minimize the situation either.

People - kids and adults alike - all crave to be heard, to be understood.

Interestingly this is *exactly* what FBI's go-to negotiation technique looks like (h/t @VossNegotiation)

https://twitter.com/weitingliu/status/1414144858416025603?s=20

@VossNegotiation After you have repeated back to them what they just said -

Ask: "What do you think we should do?"

This open-ended question (notice: not a helicopter solution) kickstarts a collaborative problem-solving effort.

This would set your children (and team) up for long-term success.

@VossNegotiation If you really do have a proposal in mind:

"What do you think would happen if we ____ ? "

Ask questions. Don't tell your children (and team members) what to do.

Don't impose your solution on them.

@VossNegotiation The same concept has been repeated over and over again in other fields.

1. Chris Voss & the FBI's "That's right" technique.

2. Dr. @StephenRCovey's iconic 7 Principles of Highly Effective People -

Habit #5: Seek to understand, then be understood.

@VossNegotiation @StephenRCovey 3. The One Minute Manager

When your team faces challenges, don't solve the problem for them. Instead, guide the team to solve problems themselves by asking them questions.

https://twitter.com/weitingliu/status/1416663251614535680

@VossNegotiation @StephenRCovey 4. Imago Therapy -

This is the basis of one of the most popular couples therapy models.

You basically repeat back what your partner said to you - verbatim.

verywellmind.com/imago-therapy-…

@VossNegotiation @StephenRCovey As a parent I try to be as open-ended as possible. This is also helpful in my transition from a top-down founder to a bottom-up CEO.

I now see every tantrum as an invaluable opportunity for me to become a better parent and a more effective leader.

@VossNegotiation @StephenRCovey TLDR - @Sacca treats parenting & leading in a similar way:

1. He'd repeat what the other side said.

2. Ask: "So what do you think we should do going forward?"

This helps them own the solution and sets up for long-term success.