Ollie dokie, deep dive into "you can't be autistic because..." An unfortunately far too common statement which it seems far too many autistic individuals get thrown at them. Now obviously this is just my personal experience as an #ActuallyAutistic individual. 1/
"You can't be autistic because...you can communicate". I don't just communicate, my whole career is based on being able to communicate. Not to sound arrogant, but I'm actually pretty good at it. Here's the kicker, for me, I'm good at it because I am autistic. Not despite it. 2/
I was diagnosed when I was 27, so spent my formative years not understanding why I was "different" and trying to find any way I could to avoid getting bullied for being "weird". Unfortunately all my ideas on this inevitably meant I got more bullied. 3/
The thing is though, it helped me think about what I say and what the knock on effect may be. Communication for me is like a game of chess, I plan it out ahead of time and work through every possible response. Fortunately I can do that quite quickly now. 4/
"You can't be autistic because...you have a family". My instinct is to say "luck" for this one, because I am very lucky. That's not an overly helpful explanation though. Pointing out that autistic individuals are just as varied as non-autistic people is a good start. 5/
I love my wife with every fibre of my being, and I am bloody lucky that she puts up with me, but, just like any relationship, we work together because of who we are, shared interests etc, also still claiming luck on my part. 6/
"You can't be autistic because...you made a joke". I actually struggle quite a bit when people are being sarcastic towards me. I tend to take things quite literally. That said, I acknowledge I have a very dark and sarcastic sense of humour myself. 7/
Not to overthink this, well okay I am overthinking but I do that with everything so hey ho, but my sense of humour has developed as a pretty effective defence mechanism due to having to live in a world where I don't always understand what people are doing. 8/
"You can't be autistic because...you can maintain eye contact, talk in public, attend events". I'm linking these three because yes I can do these, and yes the effect of doing so, while varying in intensity, is pretty much the same, I crash later. 9/
It's called acting darling. Actually it's called "masking" and, whether we realize it or not, it's something which many autistic individuals have to do to exist in the world, and it is knackering. You see the nice "normal" front. You don't see the toll it takes later. 10/
"You can't be autistic because...you don't sound/act/look like my child/parent/friend/person I saw on TV/made up character in my head etc". Yes, sorry about that and not fitting whatever stereotype you have in your head. You see the thing is WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. 11/
Look, I know this will come as a shock to some people, but there isn't a nice little box which you can easily put all #ActuallyAutistic individuals in. When you hear that term "spectrum" think of more a scatter graph than a straight line. 12/
You don't have the right, no not even if you "know someone who is autistic", "have an autistic child", "saw an autistic individual on TV" etc to tell someone else that they aren't autistic, particularly if you are doing it online and don't know them. 13/
Earlier on I said I was formally diagnosed when I was 27. Now that's true, but it isn't the whole story. I found out last year that I was originally diagnosed when I was six and it was decided not to tell me. So I am double diagnosed. I do like to make certain on things. 14/
Here's the next biggie though, it wouldn't matter if I wasn't formally diagnosed and had self-diagnosed instead. I'm lucky, and not just because I am married to the love of my life, because I was able to get diagnosed. For many people it just isn't possible. 15/
Self-diagnosis is perfectly valid. I have done loads of online tests, mainly in a hope that the formal diagnosis was wrong, yeah not always been this comfortable talking about being autistic, and still have days when I hate myself for being it, and they're not bad. 16/
What isn't valid is telling someone "you can't be autistic because..." Yes they can. Trust me, most people aren't saying they are autistic because they want to spend their lives dealing with being patronised and abused by people who say "you can't be autistic because..." 17/
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