Thread by @suzannezeedyk

I was awake too early this morn, the stories I’ve been hearing circling uncomfortably around my head. What are they stories of? How our exhaustion & fear is leading us to damage young children. A THREAD on BEING BRAVE and SAYING NO.

(2) Story 1: A mum carries background worry all day at her work abt her beloved 1-year-old, because she has never seen inside the nursery where her baby now spends her day. Never even *seen* it. I wonder: How many other mums & dads are coping with the same disorienting worry?

(3) Story 2: Children are dropped off on a busy high street, next to traffic. T risk of COVID is deemed to make it too dangerous for them to come inside. I think: Okay, so the toughest moment of every day for these children is taking place amidst sensory onslaught.

(4) Story 3: Mum of 4yo ushers reluctnt child thru school gate. He starts to cry&puts his hand back thru t gate. Teacher bids her go &guides (pulls?) child away. Mum goes round corner &cries too. I think: I bet that teachr meant to help. She hs no idea child is now refusng return

(5)Story 4: Staff go home worried that childrn’s emotional needs haven't been met. They spent their time conductng required Baseline Assessmnts. They recognise that data *about* t child has become more important thn *the child*. I think: They are correct. tes.com/news/reception…

(6)Story 5: A teacher hs dscssn w/ me on Twitter abt why childrn need *punishment* to learn. “An imposition of discomfort or displeasure in response to a breach of acceptable conduct is how childrn learn to respect boundaries.” I think: OK, so distrust is seen as a helpful tool.

(7)Story 6: Mum reads my post abt t importance of cuddles in nursery, to co-regulate when fragile, not-yet-developed stress systems are under duress. She gets in touch to say she is now wonderng what t Cuddle Policy of her child’s nursery is. I think: Right, so she has no idea.

(8)Story 7: Group of EY settings receive Ofsted inspectns. Key concern? T childrn’s reading levels. Inspectors ask 5yo childrn to read aloud to them (a stranger). They ask staff abt delivry of phonics sessions. I think: What abt t evidence on outdoor play & forest kindergartens?

(9)Story 8: Anxious 4yo who hs spent *all* of her conscious life learning that the world is a scary place is expected to walk across new school’s playground on her own because t school says it will “encourage her independence”. I think: British culture is obsessed w/ independnce.

(10)Story 9: EY teams report being relieved by distancng of parents during drop off. “The children quit crying sooner. It’s easier for us. We plan to keep it this after COVID.” I think: Yes, all childrn learn whn they are allowed to display distress & whn they must repress it.

(11)Story 10: I hear repeatedly how tired EY staff are. I listen to a discussion with: ‘anxious’, ‘nervous’, ‘pressured’, ‘uncertain’, ‘panicking’. I think about the impact of adults’ dysregulation on the fragile & developing stress systems of children.

(12) Ten stories is enough. I share them so that more people know these are the sorts of things happening for our children, for their parents, for the professionals caring for them. Our willingness to hear them is going to shape the future.

(13) My point: Whn adults get tired&stressed, it gets harder to meet childrn’s needs. We end up irritated&controllng because their needs don’t fit our expectatns. We move into denial, hoping our solutions won’t hv a lasting biological impact. Denial means we are kidding ourselvs.

(14)EY membr @respond2process publishd a brave piece ths week. She told t story of why she decided to resign. T stress ws makng her ill. She cd no longer "be part of a systm whose policies are askng us,in effect,to *knowingly damage* childrn’s developmnt”. upstart.scot/fighting-the-s…

(15) I spent t eve reflecting: “WHY are we doing this? WHY is it that people who know what yng childrn need, & parents who love their childrn, end up serving the needs of a system when it isn’t meeting their needs? What are we SCARED of?”

(16) I thought of 1950s hospitals, of those who fought to changepolicy. They wanted parents to be allowed to stay w/ thr childrn. There was great resistance frm t system. What do we know now? Many children never recovered emotionlly frm thr hospital stay.

(17)After 2 decades, James Robertson concluded that t problem was that adults often can't see children's distress because they need to repress their own distress. “The major obstacle to suitable care is that the appropriate sense of urgency is missing..” suzannezeedyk.com/why-profession…

(18) Folks, if ever there ws a time for URGENCY on t part of adults, it is now. The decisions we are (unconsciously) taking abt helping young childrn cope w/ ths pandemic are going to impact on t rest of their lives. I know we're tired. They were tired in t 1950s aftr WWII, too.

(19) Urgency often takes courage. You think I'm not scared? You think I say all the things I say about our failure to meet children's needs without fear I'll piss somebody off? That I won't be liked? That I might lose work? I'm scared too. Children need me to get over myself.

(20) There are nurseries allowing parents into their settings at drop off. @lullabynursery owned by @paulinescott222 is one of them. Ask them how they are doing that. @KarenFl02581169 of @kirknursery says this morn that ELC Centres have power to think.

https://twitter.com/kirknursery/status/1451433876090466311?s=20

(21) So I can encourage you to find ways to say NO. Be brave. For ex:
Parents: INSIST ON SEEING T INSIDE OF YR CHILD'S NURSERY.
Nurseries: I am sorry if ths is inconvenient. Parents shd not spend their day worryng abt ths. Make a time to let them in whn no one else is there.

(22) A wise colleague said to me recently: "You either use energy to do the right thing & feel the fear - or you use energy being afraid & colluding."
CHOOSE, folks. At least TALK about the choosing that is possible.

(23/end). Am I scared havng said all ths publicly, in the scary playground that is Twitter? YES. Am I doing it anyway? YES. I know ppl whose lives were wrecked as childrn in 1950s hospitals. Whilst t adults argued &obeyed, childrn suffered.
Its 2021. We know more now.
#FightFear