Thread by @SangyeH

I want to share something that I experienced yesterday, in the hopes that it might help someone else. (Actually there are 2 things, but I'll do them in separate threads)

This one is about PTSD. 🧵

Beginning in my late 20s, novocaine stopped working well for me. I had several fillings done or replaced and a crown done, all without being fully numbed. It happened with several dentists, some of whom I knew to be outstanding, so it wasn't them, it was me.

Each time the tooth seemed to be numb, but then at some point BAM! the pain would hit. One dentist did 3 injections, including into my jaw and even added gas. I wasn't able to move voluntarily or speak but was still jumping every time he hit part of the tooth. It was nightmarish.

You can imagine that this caused some pretty severe dental anxiety. (Never mind the dentist who held his hand over my nose and mouth when I was 4 yrs old because I was crying. Took me years, but I got over that)

I've had a crown and a filling done since then, by 2 great dentists, who got my teeth totally numb. However, during the crown I was hysterical the entire time, anticipating pain. I could not relax. The next dentist gave me Ativan beforehand, which was a true blessing.

Then came yesterday, when I had an already excruciating, infected tooth pulled that had--I learned today-- much longer than average roots. And the same old thing happened. It was horrific.

When I got home and laid down, I couldn't stop replaying it in my mind. The pulling, the sounds, the pressure, the surgeon's comments, the pain, the terror. Then the loop would start again. PTSD. I felt like I couldn't control my mind at all.

Finally, surely through some Bodhisattva whispering in my ear, it occurred to me to pray for all beings experiencing the same kind of pain and terror. I allowed my mind to relax into a deep pool of empathy and compassion & become absorbed in imagining the pain & fear others feel.

It's sort of a game of pretend because I don't actually know all these beings, but it's also real, because I do know that there are countless beings experiencing pain and terror "out there." So I let myself feel them and feel *for* them, with all my heart.

A few minutes into it, I realized the mental replay of my own trauma had stopped. Even when I thought of it, it didn't return. It's not like all my fear & anxiety is gone, but I'm not living in the movie anymore. Still today, it isn't there.

This is a practice that we do in Buddhism, but it won't make you a Buddhist to do it. You can still be a whatever you are. 😁

You don't have to pray to anyone. Just a "wishing prayer" like "May their terrible pain & fear dissolve" is sufficient.

And because it's difficult to picture countless beings, just start with one-- maybe one you know or have known. Human or animal. Keep it easy.

May this bring you peace. 💞

#ptsd
#fear
#anxiety