Thread by @nwaoma007

Kind Children

1./Not long ago, I attended my daughter’s graduation from secondary school. In addition to awards for excellence in academics there were awards for the best behaved boy and girl in the graduating set. I’ve always found that particular award suspicious.

2./What are the parameters for the choice? How do you select the best behaved child in a year group. I concluded that best behaved means overraw best in eye-service). But I digress.

Once upon a time, I heard a message telling  parents to pray they raise kind children.

3./ Kindness in one’s children becomes more valuable as you get older. Not their academic excellence, not their sporting prowess, not the awards for best behaviour.

As one ages, the dynamics of the relationship between parent and child alters. The parent loses strength & vigour

4./ and becomes more dependent whereas the child is growing into their peak. Suddenly, parents who seemed larger than life and able to take on the world find themselves leaning on their children for the big and little things. Even stuff as simple as turning the TV from Netflix

5./or Amazon Prime to DSTV.

It sounds amusing until you realize that sans your glasses, you need Junior to help you read instructions. If Junior is a selfish little turd lacking a kind bone, no matter how many A’s you revelled in him scoring on all the prize-giving days,

6./ you will long for a kind-hearted and considerate child.

This was brought home to me anew by a recent event. It made me again consider kindness. That important yet oft overlooked quality.

It was the death of a family friend and her funeral event.

7./ The funeral event was on Zoom because the deceased died abroad, funeral was to hold abroad, the children of the deceased are abroad, but most family and friends are in Nigeria. Partway through the event, it was announced that the order of speeches was going to be changed.

8./Apparently, one of the children had to leave the program to go to work. (For those who may wonder, the event was on schedule. No delays and according to the program).

It gave me pause for thought. How do you have to alter the program of events at your mother’s funeral event

9./because you’re going to work? It struck me personally particularly because this child graduated from the same school as my kids. The deceased was that mother who was present for every visiting day & other visits  between times. The journey to and fro isn’t exactly the easiest;

10./the goodies for visiting day are often quite a production.I’m sure that if this child ever received awards, Mum was there cheering her on jubilantly like parents of other awardees. Yet on this day, one of the last 3 days Mum would need her to show up for the rest of her life,

11./ she was rushing off to work. I wonder how others present who had left all else to attend the service at the church where most had gathered and others online in various parts of the world felt.  Everyone there was present to celebrate the parent of this young person.

12./ If the dead had a last chance to speak, I wonder what the deceased would have said to her child. 

Many people say you owe your parents nothing because you didn’t ask to be born.

To each their opinion. I believe I owe my parents. I strive to do for them what I can.

13./I give to my kids. 1st because I love them, 2nd because I owe them a duty, 3rd because when I am old and less able, I want them to take from the bank of memories of all my giving and with kindness, care for me as I once cared for them.

14./No, you don’t need to agree with me or do likewise. This is simply the way I have chosen to live my own life and to raise my kids. I tell them often, remember this when I am old and frail and I call on you. Remember because, now, I do for you not always out of convenience,

15./ but out of love. 

This song, motivates me.