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Corey Quinn Profile picture
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6 Nov, 85 tweets, 20 min read
I need a Twitter plane game to play since it's no longer working hours. (Fun fact! On this Seattle --> SFO flight I once read and reviewed @RealGeneKim's entire "Unicorn Project" manuscript before landing.)

Game: name a company and I'll assign them a more appropriate motto.
"We named our company after the most expensive city in the US because we don't do subtle."
When your snack cupboard has its own loading dock.
"Please don't kick me off of this flight."
"Akamai for packages."
"Pivotal was taken, Sit-And-Spin was offensive."
"AWS Billing for Games"
"Incredibly refreshing."
"I have nothing critical or disparaging to say about the company!"
"Uber for Hyperconverged Infrastructure."
"Our dress code has changed since the 80s along with our relevance."
"Turnabout for Venture Capitalists."
"Ask Your Marketer."
"Kirkland & Ellison, LLP"
"Cocaine no longer included."
"Fast Food That Takes An Hour."
"Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."
"Over 900 million Americans served!"
"That Giant Rabbit Is Back Again"
"You Can't Duck the Duckbill Bill"
"Large Trucks, Fragile Egos."
"Theranos for Cars"
"Reliable. Slow. Reliably Slow."
"The Daycare of the Internet"
"Please Stop Writing About Us"
"Managed NAT Gateways for Eggs"
"The 20th Century Gaming Legends."
"Catlike Typing Detected, Come Back Again Soon!"
"Docker for Vegetables."
"Treating Software Companies Like Networking Equipment."
"Buying a Seat at the Table"
"Facebook for Governments"
"We do that, too."
"Terraform for Obnoxious Programmers"
"Amazon without the smirk."
"First Bank of Libertarianism."
"Bring money!"
(And now I pause until they turn on the wifi at altitude. Your patience is appreciated, please hold while I ignore you.)
"We're named after the sound our motorcycles make!"
"A publicly traded NSA"
"Naming rights to a bus station couldn't be wrong!"
"Ryanair comforts, United prices."
"Daddy left and took the vowels with him."
"Tinder for Pets"
"The Vuvuzela of Keyboards"
"The Unholy Merger of Neopets and Herbalife."
"The Landmines Here Aren't Figurative"
"Stepped Out for Lunch In 2013."
"You're Pretending It Wrong"
"The Payday Lender of Technical Debt"
Massively Multiplayer Notepad.exe
"Money Printer Go PC LOAD LETTER"
"The data breach was the first time we weren't talking about 40 things at once."
"A vi vs. emacs holy war now accepts donations."
"Redistributing wealth in the wrong direction"
"Hey kid, gimme your lunch money."
"The Red Hat blue itself"
"An AWS Demo App"
Distributed Version Control Centralized
WE'RE HAVING A FIRE sale.
Selling the Soundtrack of Our Lives
"Pickaxe manufacturers for a digital gold rush"
"Captive markets *and* investors."
"Dead on toilet; cause: straining for relevance"
"Eat me."
"Silver Medalist, 1989 Iceberg Slalom."
"The AWS Service Naming of hiring websites."

(Seriously, and I swear I'm not making this up, they once had their job site living at rim.jobs)
"A training program for lottery winners."
"Uber for manufacturing designs you don't own"
"The parts of bitcoin cryptobros don't want to talk about"
The Amazon JEDI Protest of Open Source
"Low latency egress"
"The caviar of coffee but someone left it out all night by mistake."
Amazon without the bottles.
"Fending off Microsoft with a stick"
"Dead as a doornail, but the corpse still twitches"
"Nobody likes us, nobody knows what it is that we do."
"Playing fast and loose with user trust."
"AWS egress if they didn't milk customers"
"CloudWatch without the parts AWS does for you."
"For the last time, we do not make drones."
"We love everyone except our customers, our employees, and women."
"It's Australian for Comcast"
"Don't worry, we had to Google it too."
And that's that as I descend.

Thank you for entertaining me. Thanks @mike_julian for not questioning why I paid $17.95 for in-flight wifi.

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More from @QuinnyPig

Corey Quinn Profile picture
2 Nov
Hey @jesse_derose we should do a Twitter Spaces about what it means to be a Cloud Economist.

After all...
I am the very model of a modern Cloud Economist
I’ve seen pricing stored in CSV, Parquet and in a JSON list
I’ve walked the booths of re:Invent, and I know services historical
From SQS to EKS, RDS including Oracle
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters more contractual,
Both PPAs and EDPs, multi-cloud and all-in fanatical
About data transfer pricing I'm spitting figures fast and furious,
Hmmm... furious... furious... Aha!
While cross-AZ is bad enough, managed NAT Gateways are usurious
Read 5 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
2 Nov
So a less-snarky thread about why you should consider working at The @DuckbillGroup as a Cloud Economist.

Because if you fit the role, you definitely have other options...

duckbillgroup.com/careers/
First and most key: we want people to succeed here. That means we act like it, starting with the interview. We don't play games – we interview for strengths rather than the absence of weaknesses. aka "nobody will beat you up about things you're not great at."
If you're working more than 40 hours it's a rarity and we should do something about it. We're fixing AWS bills, not SOME NONSENSE HERE. You aren't your job.

Most of us are parents ourselves; absolutely nothing we do here is more important than our lives.
Read 16 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
2 Nov
In order to help hire some of you (sales and cloud economics roles currently open!), it's me: the Worst Employee as imagined by your company's HR department and resulting policies.
duckbillgroup.com/careers/#open-…
I'm just the right blend of malicious idiot that I should be walked out as soon as I resign; I clearly didn't think to steal any company data BEFORE I resigned.
I'm simultaneously trusted with root in production and not $20 of company money.
Read 9 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
27 Oct
Hello, and welcome to our company's oh-so-very-shitty Security Awareness Training. I'm Chief Cloud Economist Corey Quinn of the Duckbill Group, and I'll be delivering this training for you because I was absolutely NOT the lowest bidder for a change.
The whole point of security awareness is to protect company information. That's what they say, anyway. Here in reality we're going to reference back to the things I spew at you rapid fire and blame you for our institutional shortcomings once we get breached.
Confidentiality is important. Assume that people will read what you write. I know, it's a heavy lift for some of you who haven't figured out that the failure mode of "clever on Twitter" is "being a huge asshole," but pretend it'll be read.
Read 33 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
27 Oct
All right, Twitter; time to kick the @awscloud tires on these new Graviton2 Lambda functions.
Now, @alex_casalboni has already done the heavy lifting for me with this dingus. github.com/alexcasalboni/…

It supports the new runtimes even!
I'll deploy it through the Serverless Application Repository, meaning I'm now a full third of that thing's customer base for October.
Read 15 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
26 Oct
A second CloudTrail management trail that you never look at.
A developer advocate who can't pass PR certification.
CodeCommit.
Read 4 tweets

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