It regularly shocks me that there are no official resources or recognition of Autistic-specific cPTSD. We are just expected to be okay with the way we are treated.
Eihter because they don't see anything wrong with it, or we're not human, or both.
When I'm in a spiral I find myself googling for help even though I know it's just gonna make me feel worse. "Disorder"/deficit language is everywhere & recognition of Autistic PTSD is only in relation to specific events unrelated to neurotype that could traumatize anyone.
Meanwhile, Autistic cPTSD is more like burnout, sensory trauma, misinterpretation & punishment trauma, alienation, body language & masking trauma, bullying trauma (and how we might internalize bullying differently), trauma at intersections of identity, poverty, medical ... etc.
Sometimes, just having a place like Good Therapy/Psych Today/Web MD etc laying out that Autistic cPTSD does exist in an official context would be enough to make me feel a bit better. To be acknowledged by professionals, to be recognized & validated is a bare minimum.
Especially considering that psychiatric/psychological professionals are harmful to neurodivergents and their field was built on ableism & neuronormative bigotry, it feels like official recognition of Autistic cPTSD is overdue as a first step in reparations.
The worst thing I've ever seen during a cPTSD google as a related search suggestion is,
"does trauma give you Autism?"
Oh my god ... OH MY GOD ... 😫
Society's perception of it is a travesty.
The Google algorithm prioritizes official medical sites and allistic charities as first page results on the assumption that they're trustworthy and relevant.
But at best they don't have any appropriate resources and at worst actively push allistic pseudoscience.
For curious allistics wanting to know more, these resources mislead and deepen their harmful beliefs.
For Autistics, we don't get any help and are just harmed even more.
Official language matters.
The medical establishment has a lot of trust-building to do with traumatized Autistics over the course of this century. 🙂 It would be nice to see some change.
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"Learned helplessness" was really one of the most damaging psychiatric concepts for me as an unknowingly Autistic person.
Being told that systemic inaccessibility, hidden disability, alienation & burnout was just a figment of my imagination was unhelpful.
It was basically the "problem" my Sixth Form CAMHS interventionists tried to address. If I could just remind myself of all the nice abled things other people believed about me, my grades & mental health would magically fix themselves.
It's ironic because actually I had a very inflated sense of my own abilities due to a decade of teachers equating my hyperlexia and previously good grades with abledness. I was aiming for A*s and Oxbridge. I didn't need *more* confidence. I needed taking down a peg or two.
Don't know whether my executive functioning has got worse or I've just underestimated it until now, but these days I find myself having to verbally narrate every aspect of a task in order to get anything done.
"Open the oven. Okay, now tray. Put tray in oven. Close oven. Mitts. Knife in wash. Grater. Now we fetch carrot ..."
I go on and on like this, otherwise I will just stare into space and daydream, forgetting the task or be unable to initiate it.
I now literally give myself a round of clapping & pause to celebrate after getting the bare minimum done. I savour an accomplishment & force my brain to release some satisfaction chemicals. And sitting down to do nothing for a few minutes helps me to switch tasks.
Going through all my childhood books filled with #ActuallyAutistic drawings and writing (I have dozens of books), and there are some striking themes that repeat themselves.
So, a thread on hypergraphic Autistic play!
1) Lists. So many lists. 📃
Lists of books, artists, shows, movies, people, food, vocabulary.
Information sorted into categories from memory.
Imaginary budgets with items listed from catalogues.
I used 100s of notebooks & did this for years. Notepads/paper was my main "toy".
2) 🎭 Absurdist writing. Parodies of famous books and movies. Characters with funny names. Lots of puns and random chaotic plots. Slapstick violence.
Constantly thinking about how capitalist society structurally excludes and harms me as a neurominority, and how Westerners spent 500 years systematically eradicating societies that could have taught us how to *not* structurally exclude neurominorities.
💔 Heartbreak.
It's annoying to see Conservative and centrist types who believe that this is just how things always have been and the only way to live. That only *wage* labour is valuable. The individualist bootstrapper mentality is a symptom of urbanisation and white supremacy.
I know my family history. They were poor Yorkshire sheep farmers and cottage weavers who moved to the city factories during the industrial revolution, then spent 200 years rolling around like broken cotton reels at the bottom of society with our "undiagnosed" neurodivergences.
I usually avoid the subject because it's triggering and enraging but I just took a BPD quiz to compare the symptoms with #ActuallyAutistic/ND experiences and it's horrifyingly similar. No wonder there are so many neurodivergents misdiagnosed with this offensive label 😔
BPD "intense emotions".
Actually: Hyperempathy and the pain of daily allistic microaggressions. Very reasonable.
BPD "unreasonable anger".
Actually: Meltdowns from sensory or information overload, pain of being gaslit, insulted or misunderstood constantly. Very reasonable.
BPD "chronic boredom and emptiness".
Actually: ADHD. A constant need for stimulation and feeling like there's nothing new anymore, because once you've lived long enough, it's true!
BPD "lack of attachment".
Actually: An alternative attachment style or asociality.
I feel like even the cognitive empathy deficit of Autism is wrong for me. I have plenty of cognitive empathy, in fact I think I consider multiple perspectives more than allistics do. I can hypothesize other people's suffering just fine, it's the empathic part that I feel less.
But when I do feel the empathic part, I feel it intensely because it's a situation that would deeply hurt me too if it was me. But there are certain types of suffering that I just don't feel because it's not driven by the same value system as allistics.
For example, say I love blue sweets but hate red sweets.
Someone loses their red sweets. I don't feel emotive empathy because losing red sweets would not upset me. But seeing someone lose their blue sweets *would* set off my empathy because I care about blue sweets too.