"Learned helplessness" was really one of the most damaging psychiatric concepts for me as an unknowingly Autistic person.
Being told that systemic inaccessibility, hidden disability, alienation & burnout was just a figment of my imagination was unhelpful.
Being told that systemic inaccessibility, hidden disability, alienation & burnout was just a figment of my imagination was unhelpful.
It was basically the "problem" my Sixth Form CAMHS interventionists tried to address. If I could just remind myself of all the nice abled things other people believed about me, my grades & mental health would magically fix themselves.
It's ironic because actually I had a very inflated sense of my own abilities due to a decade of teachers equating my hyperlexia and previously good grades with abledness. I was aiming for A*s and Oxbridge. I didn't need *more* confidence. I needed taking down a peg or two.
Cuz it turns out I'm not academic in the traditional sense. Yes, I consume vast quantities of knowledge but in an ADHD way that doesn't lend itself to academic specialization.
GCSEs were my upper limit of ability because they were partly a test of basic knowledge.
A Levels = 👎
GCSEs were my upper limit of ability because they were partly a test of basic knowledge.
A Levels = 👎
Meanwhile, special interests have always ruled my life. I sacrifice self care & studying time for them. I can't pull away from them. They're the air I breathe. I literally cannot process & store unrelated information. This monotropism contributed to both school refusal episodes.
But according to CAMHS I was imagining it. I was just lacking confidence. I needed more self-esteem. Despite the fact I was visualizing myself on a path to a Nobel Prize in Physics. 😂 Nah, I didn't need more of that.
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