Thread by @TheBrometheus

Constant apologizing drains those around you.

"Sorry you have to put up with me!" The first time, people comfort you. The second time makes them tired. After that, it becomes exhausting.

Stop apologizing. Thank instead.

"Thank you for being so patient."

Practice gratitude.

Constant apologizing repels people as you suck away their emotional energy. "No, it's totally fine... really... please stop apologizing..." 🙄 Would you want to keep spending energy on someone who exhausts you?

But gratitude energizes people. Appreciation draws them in.

If you spend all your time apologizing, shift instead of gratitude. Find reasons to thank and compliment.

"Thank you for your patience today. You were an excellent teacher."

Avoid the urge to self-deprecate. "Thanks for being patient with my slow learning. I know I'm an idiot."

Self-deprecation still exhausts the people around you and negates the gratitude and compliment. It shifts all the focus back on you and forces them to respond. The perception is that you're demanding they comfort you. That actually makes you look selfish, not humble or grateful.

Being genuinely grateful and NOT mentioning yourself at all helps shift the focus directly onto the person.

"Thank you for your hard work today. You really carried the team."

If you must mention yourself, only mention the benefit you received from them.

"You really helped me."

Shifting to gratitude makes others feel appreciated. It's a blast of dopamine and oxytocin chemicals in their brain as they feel like they contributed to someone's life. They get to feel connected to a community by providing value.

That means they'll want to be around you more.

If you're an anxious or insecure person, this communication change can reshape your relationships from exhausting others to energizing them. It also has the added benefit of making you appreciate your relationships instead of focusing on how you think you're screwing up.

And if you can’t stop over-apologizing because you believe you’re worthless,

Check out this video guide about attachment and why it may be your real problem.

The bottom line: If you feel you have nothing to offer and you’re a burden, you can offer kind words of thanks. That makes people feel good. This is what you can offer instead. And that means you provide warmth and value in your relationships. That’s a new reason to feel good.