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Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
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23 Oct, 6 tweets, 2 min read
I would never be friends with a man who cheats on his wife.

If he has no morals with his closest partner who loves him and gives him absolute trust, why would I believe he’d treat me better?

He wouldn’t. He lives only for his own pleasure, not for honor.
Men who have cheated in the past and turned their life around? I can respect that because it takes guts to own your mistake.

Men with weird marriage arrangements? That’s not “cheating” because they’re not lying. At least they’re open and honest.

The liars? They’re just liars.
Any man who wants to claim that cheating on a beloved partner who trusts you means NOTHING about your morals is a man without morals or honor.

If you see this argument, block them. They’re a sociopath who thinks morality is determined by convenience. They’ll hurt you for profit.
Your daily reminder that doing what is right has nothing to do with your feelings about your relationship.
Source:
If you read this far and you’re cheating on your wife: Stop. At least be honest. People may not like your choices but you’ll have your honor again. Lying makes you honorless and a coward. Do better for yourself and your family. Then people can respect you even if they don’t agree

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More from @TheBrometheus

Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
21 Oct
If you’re interested in the neurology of attachment, this paper is fascinating. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/P…
Based on cursory reading, it’s possible that vasopressin is responsible for bonding while under stress. Oxytocin helps us bond during love and happiness which would not activate under stress. But vasopressin can bond to oxytocin receptors and help us connect when stressed.
Vasopressin is also more prevalent in male mammals, especially social mammals. That may explain why men bond better during shared stressful activity like war while women bond better during emotional vulnerability.
Read 28 tweets
Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
30 Sep
Men build structures. Women build networks.

When men in a family build safe structures around women, women can build self-correcting networks that heal wounds and keep the family intact and healthy.

Weak men force women to defend the structure instead of nurturing the network.
When I worked as a family therapist, I taught attachment to the women in a family first. They drank it up like a sponge and immediately applied it to start fixing the system. But that work was slowed when the men in the family stayed weak and disengaged. Strong men sped it up.
The more energy the women were able to focus into nurturing their self-correcting networks, the healthier the family became. That required men to step up to build and defend the structures. So the women felt safe and had plentiful resources for their self-correcting networks.
Read 14 tweets
Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
28 Sep
Women ask all the time, "Where can I find a good husband?"

Where would you want him to be when he's not with you? Answer: With his family. You won't find him at a bar or social event.

You can't get into his family alone. But you've got a network. Ask them to matchmake for you.
Be clear about expectations. And make sure you ask your healthiest network members to search for you.

They'll have your best interests at heart. They'll know the man and his family in advance. They won't set you up with problems.

This also adds pressure for him to respect you.
If you're searching through strangers, you're looking for the straw in a needle pile: a lot of little pricks out to hurt you.

Don't look at strangers. Ask your trusted network to find a match for you. They'll do the work for you in advance.
Read 5 tweets
Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
13 Sep
"I don't understand why he broke up with me but married the next girl. What was wrong with me?"

You're not unlovable. You didn't offer what he was looking for. That can happen if he's unhealthy or if you're insecure and don't share who you really are

You might be blocking love.
Most healthy men aren't even really looking for a girlfriend.

They're looking for a wife to build a life with, a woman who will complement the man's life vision and goals by supporting him with kindness, patience, nurturing, and solid principles he can rely on.
If you think you're unlovable, if you're afraid to share who you are, if you think asking for your needs to be met will make him reject you, and if you don't know what he wants because you haven't asked or had a sit-down discussion about expectations,

Healthy men won't know you.
Read 8 tweets
Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
12 Sep
Women with broken attachment believe there is something wrong with them that makes them permanently unlovable. They believe everyone else can see it but not them, they don’t know what’s wrong. They just feel abandoned and unloved.

What would you do if you could never be loved?
When your attachment is broken and you believe you’re innately unloveable, you use any means necessary to earn approval. It’s living based on fear instead of principles.

And it’s not rational because the logical brain is diminished to fuel chronic anxiety in the emotional brain.
Many women in hookup culture believe they’re going to find a meaningful connection. They don’t realize they’re being used for masturbation.
Read 5 tweets
Adam Lane Smith Profile picture
11 Aug
If your approach relies on insulting anyone who doesn’t follow your approach

(“If you don’t agree with me you’re X, Y, and Z”)

you’re using manipulation instead of persuasion. That tells me you’re hunting for short-term gains at the expense of my long-term best interests.
It’s usually couched as moralizing: “If you don’t agree with us you’re evil and you enjoy harming people.”

This sets up the speaker as a super special moral authority. The 3 groups I see use this tactic most are social justice groups, vegan groups, and no-spank parenting groups.
Note that this is MOSTLY a feature of groups. Individual vegans who decide on their own don’t typically treat people this way. But vegan gurus with followings (thus forming a group) who need to build a paying fanbase do. It polarizes their audience and makes them seem important.
Read 5 tweets

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