Thread by @dgurdasani1

If you want to know what it's like being a Brown female scientist, this tweet captures what I deal with every day. Despite having called most things right & advocated for early response to protect public health and lives, time & time again, I'm attacked & abused. 🧵

https://twitter.com/ARobertson1972/status/1472647589497561090

Very few people know, let alone understand, what it's like being an outspoken woman of colour in academia. If you want to know I'd recommend talking to some. It hurts. Every day.

I've been outspoken and challenged injustice all through my career, from medical school to now. I've suffered *hugely* as a result.
Those who've known me for a while will know that I was dismissed from the @sangerinstitute after whistleblowing.

The whistleblowing complaint was about the @sangerinstitute's unethical use of genetic samples from Africa. I was bullied, intimidated & finally sacked. The @wellcometrust did nothing to support whistleblowers. In fact @JeremyFarrar was one of the key people complicit in this.

.@JeremyFarrar didn't even respond to a complaint by the University of Stellenbosch in SA about the unethical use of samples they had collected. Hearing him talk about support for SA researchers now just makes me feel ill.

Not only did they fire me, I was denied positions in the University of Cambridge (I'm an alumnus) despite departmental support and having my own funding. My appt was stopped from high up, by the Regius, who has links with the Sanger Director.

And of course there's a lot of funding that flows between the two institutions. I did find a home where I am now, but continued to have unpleasant experiences with Sanger & there were people who said they wouldn't collaborate with me because of their connections with Sanger.

A group of us took a stance against the shockingly unethical, illegal & frankly neocolonial activities of @sangerinstitute.
Outcome: we were all pushed out.
You can read about it here:
science.org/content/articl…

I've taken an independent path throughout my career. I'm good at what I do but in many ways it doesn't matter. Because no matter what I do, their tentacles are long, and I'll always have a target painted on my head. All whistleblowers do. The statistics on this show this clearly.

I know it'll affect everything- the funding I get, the collaborative opportunities, even peer review and publication and the conduct I'm subjected to both publicly and privately.

During COVID-19, I felt I had to speak up because I had the expertise to. And I felt being silent wasn't an option. For those who think it's been great being on twitter, and there's some sort of power that comes with the following I have - think again.

This is voluntary work I do- if I have a following, it's because I've been putting info out during the pandemic that some people want to follow. Doing media is vital time out of my day. It doesn't help my career or benefit me personally in any way.

Btw, if you're going to point out that I have 110K+ followers, I didn't start with 110K+ followers & follower count on Twitter doesn't give you a lot to negate the structural barriers you face. If anything, the abuse that comes with a larger following amplifies racism & misogyny.

I'm also chronically ill and disabled, so doing this does take physical, mental and emotional energy and time that I don't necessarily have.
The only thing I get for what I do, is a sense that hopefully someone out there is listening. And it gives me a voice.

If you think being outspoken has helped my career it hasn't. It's been the opposite. I knew being who I am would come at a cost. When the Sanger fired me, it was painful, but I lived with it because I couldn't have done it any other way.

I learned a while ago that UK academia can be toxic, and there isn't a place for people like me. WOC who don't know their place. Women are often expected to keep their heads down & help the careers of the powerful men around them in the hope of future reward, WOC more so.

I took a different path- I was fiercely independent, but collaborative. But I didn't collaborate with people who didn't value me or treat me as an equal. You'd be surprised how many people invite you into collaborations on the condition you do all the work and get shafted.

I didn't agree to that - because I have too much self respect. But I'm not stupid. I know that standing up for a principle, even if it's valuing myself comes at a cost. I know it means my future is always in the balance in this structurally unequal society.

I don't even have the words to explain what my daily existence as a brown women in academia is like, and what the structural barriers are. It's knowing that the outcomes of your grants, career opportunities and the review process is rigged against you.

I know many here won't believe me, but I'm past caring. For those who want definitive proof of my reality, I can't provide it. All I can say is that it's like having a thick glass ceiling over your head, and you know no matter how hard you try, you can't break through.

You'll bleed, cut yourself on it, but it won't shatter. It will shatter you in the process. And every day you will live with the grief and pain of knowing that what you know doesn't matter. How good you are doesn't matter. How hard you try doesn't matter. It's not a meritocracy.

All that matters is that you are an outspoken Brown woman who doesn't know her place.
And outspoken women who challenge power will be shown their place.

Now, to head off some of the responses that I'll no doubt get, and which I won't be responding to.

There will be various forms of:
1. 'How dare you?!' including the 'how dare you say that (about me)?!'
2. 'I don't believe you'
3.' This is just your perception'
4. 'You're looking at things through the lens of misogyny and racism'.

5. 'I've worked with WOC in academia and this is not their experience
6. 'It's not because of any of those things, it's because you're a $%$%%. That's why I think you deserve to be abused'

If you're really interested in what I'm saying, just look at how WOC get treated in Twitter compared to others. It might give you a little glimpse into what they face in academia (and elsewhere) too but out of your sight.

And to those women- I'm in awe of the your strength and outspokenness given the penalties we face. One day I hope that our tears and scars will mean that our little girls will not bruise themselves on the ceilings we have hurt ourselves on. And they'll be able to breathe free.