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Julie Anne Smith

@DefendTheSheep

24 Dec

Another weird part of my story. A pastor who follows me on Twitter married my ex and his new wife. And he made the connection that my ex was formerly married to me at the airport on his way to wedding weekend while looking at his Twitter feed. #cantmakethisup

He was a pastor connected to a spiritually abusive pastor at a mega church that I exposed on my blog. I reached out to him and we had a phone conversation. I asked him how he could marry a couple who had only been together for such a short time (few mos.).

I got no good answer. I told him that he had a responsibility to do no harm and the quick wedding was not wise. He did tell me he could tell my sons were not happy about the wedding (go figure..their dad told them he was getting married via text; they all lived in same house).

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Julie Anne Smith

@DefendTheSheep

7 Nov

Let me share a few words about this response to my tweet. It did not sit right with me at all. I need to explain why because many people who have not gone through abuse may not get it.

I do not believe God expects survivors to pray for their abusers. Maybe eventually, but survivors should never be shamed and told how to respond. Let me tell you why. Many of us dealt with multiple abuses, not just the original abuse in our marriage. We were told to pray

more, give more sex, love our husbands, WHILE we were being abused and church leaders did not tell our abusers to STOP ABUSING. The onus was put on us, the survivors. So, we not only had to endure abuse at home - we had to endure spiritual abuse by our church leaders.

Read 8 tweets

Julie Anne Smith

@DefendTheSheep

17 Apr

In 2012, I gave an ultimatum to my then husband with a 1-yr deadline. I extended that deadline to 2 yrs. He did not follow-through, so I decided to move forward with getting to a place where I could support myself as a divorced single mom.

The small community college in my area surprisingly offered a new 4-yr Bachelor's program in Cyber Security. I scheduled an appt with a counselor, but unbeknownst to me, they mistakenly scheduled the appt with the Outreach/Retention specialist in the Cyber dept.

So, I went and heard her spiel. I saw how the instructors interacted with the students & w/ea other. I saw that a job in cyber has excellent job security regardless of age/gender. I met another woman around my age who went through a divorce and she said she loved it.

Read 7 tweets

Julie Anne Smith

@DefendTheSheep

16 Apr

One of the most lonely places I've experienced was sitting in church with happy families around me as an emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abused wife. Even though I told church leaders, no one checked up on me. No one offered help. I did this journey alone.

I hope that in sharing my story that the Christian community will be proactive in looking for people like me in their midst. I had support thru my advocacy work. But imagine how lonely it is for most women. To get thru just another day is a struggle.

I actually got jealous of congregants who had chronic health issues. They got regular visits and meals. And let's not forget about the kids. If a wife is barely keeping her head afloat, she has very little left to give to her kids.

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Julie Anne Smith

@DefendTheSheep

30 Dec 20

This is so true. The "stranger danger" mantra that we heard years ago is not usually the way sex abuse occurs. It happens by trusted individuals, people who are regularly in contact with our kids, and we most likely would never imagine this dark side. #metoo #churchtoo #sexabuse

In my family, one pedophile was a grandpa who was a missionary and well-respected Bible translator (never was convicted because of Statute of Limitation). The abuse occurred when neighbor boys were invited to swim in the pool. #metoo #churchtoo #sexabuse

It happened to his sons' friends when they came over to play. And the abuse did not happen in private. It happened in a room with adults behind a newspaper. It happened so nonchalantly that most people would miss it. But the boys who experienced it knew something had happened.

Read 6 tweets

Julie Anne Smith

@DefendTheSheep

4 Dec 20

This week I have been struck that some of the most lonely and unsupported people are abused pastors' wives. There is usually no support network for them in their church. They will be dismissed, told they are rebellious. They have few options, little $, and are alone & frightened.

I have had personal conversations with abused pastors' wives. Many times these women have only been stay-at-home moms. They do not have college degrees and it will be a challenge for them to get back into the work force and support themselves & their children.

To share about the abuse to elders would likely backfire. The kids are also often abused verbally, emotionally, and spiritually. But to leave an abusive pastor/husband/dad is a huge and lonely step.

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