Dreamweasel Profile picture
Jan 18 4 tweets 1 min read
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT’S VAGUELY-DEFINED THREATS!
HANNITY: Tonight! We explore the unprecedented wave of random murders, apocalyptic hellscapes, and declining quality of life under the Biden Administration!

GUEST: Are you saying that Biden is responsible for all of those things

HANNITY: I’m not not saying that!
CARLSON: I blame the random murders, apocalyptic hellscapes, and declining quality of life on the crisis at the border

DOGS: bark bark bark

CARLSON: Immigrants, by which of course I mean illegal immigrants, are destroying what made America great

DOGS: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
INGRAHAM: Let’s discuss the the random murders, apocalyptic hellscapes, and declining quality of life with Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene

GREENE: LIBERALS COMMUNISTS DEMOCRATS DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!

INGRAHAM: Keep speaking your truth, Marjorie

GREENE: (foams at mouth)

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

Jan 20
R: Our platform is based on keeping out immigrants, abolishing CRT in schools, and cracking down on BLM protests

D: A lot of that sounds based on racism

R: To counter your argument, I will show you some decontextualized Joe Biden statements & pretend it’s exactly the same thing
D: Our goal is to acknolwedge where white supremacy affects our society & diminish it where we can

R: Our goal is to call you “hypocrites” and allow it to continue

D: Our goal is to stop institutional racism

R: Our goal is to stop you
R: I will insist your side is just as bad

D: Your counterexamples aren’t comparable in content or scale

R: I will deflect from the issue by focusing exclusively on your hypocrisy

D: Your ideology is pure Whataboutism, which you fallaciously conflate with intellectual integrity
Read 5 tweets
Jan 19
TOP TEN QUESTIONS THAT INSPIRED ERIC TRUMP TO PLEAD THE FIFTH AMENDMENT

10. Did you have any inside knowledge about your father’s nefarious and potentially criminal activities that millions of Americans clearly saw happening in broad daylight?
9. How did you get your job as Executive Vice-President of the Trump Organization?

8. What does the Executive Vice-President of the Trump Organization actually do?

7. Can you spell “Executive Vice-President of the Trump Organization”?
Read 8 tweets
Jan 16
If your only true measure of “divisive” is “Republicans Hate Him”, it is genuinely impossible for any Democratic President of modern times to be Not Divisive.
I don’t know how quickly Matt Lewis had to vomit up whatever half-digested detritus that had momentarily emerged from his gut, but clearly any mission statement that reads “Biden Is Just as Divisive as Trump” would have swiftly bypassed any brain synapses on its way to the page.
It doesn’t matter if a Democratic President governs from the center-left, the center, or the center-right: to the base, he or she will always be a latte-sipping elitist know-it-all who wants to take away your guns, abolish Christianity, and flood the country with brown people.
Read 5 tweets
Jan 13
The worst thing you could do the GOP would be to abandon the Electoral College in favor of a direct popular vote, because the current version of the GOP has all but abandoned the notion of creating policy with broad popular support.

They have forfeited the marketplace of ideas.
“But if we abandon the Electoral College, the GOP will just change their strategy accordingly!”

Yes, but that would still mean they’d need a message that appeals to more than 50% of the voters, and not just cement gains in three swing states. That strikes me as an improvement.
The GOP is fully aware that the Electoral College regularly gives them an advantage; this is why they would inevitably fight tooth & nail to protect it. it’s why their last two Presidents won their (first) elections, despite losing the popular vote.
Read 7 tweets
Jan 11
Oh, how could Rachel Maddow possibly defend herself against this granite-skulled entitlement meatsuit and his lethal Word Salad Six-Shooter Image
CAWTHORN: As a conservative, I insist that Trump won the election, COVID is no worse than the flu, and anyone who claims differently has been brainwashed by the liberal media

D: Jesus, please shut up

CAWTHORN: And the worst thing is that LIBERALS WANT TO SILENCE US

D: Can we?
R: So you admit it?

D: Yes; when people repeatedly tell dangerous lies & are impervious to any facts that would persuade a rational person otherwise, the next best option is for them to stop polluting the discourse with bullshit

R: LIBERALS WANT TO SILENCE US

D: Yes

R: NEVER!
Read 7 tweets
Jan 10
Something’s gonna happen now, I can just feel it
Wheel of Fortune board reads:

- - - - - - - - - - -

TRUMP TRIED
TO STEAL
THE ELECTION

- - - - - - - - - - -

CONTESTANT: I’d like to buy a vowel, please
Read 4 tweets

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