Thread by @gaialect

if you struggle to maintain boundaries w/ ppl you care about:

• you’re hurting yourself by doing the same things & hoping for a different result
• your ability to understand/forgive is your superpower but also your greatest weakness
• if they expect it, they don’t respect it

i’ll elaborate 🌷 it’s a type of madness to continue doing the same things & expect a different result. when caught in a vicious cycle, the probability of something different being the outcome is slim to none. a part of you knows this but is too forgiving to change your ways.

some of you may also not realize how often you are “doing the same things” & not seeing the results you desire because once you’re in a cycle for a bit… it feels… normal. the toxicity. the lack of reciprocity. the neglect you feel. which is an extremely sad realization. 😔

you also may not see your behavior repeating as such a bad thing because it inherently isn’t. you over communicating. you having excess amounts of patience. & you offering forgiveness when you can are not BAD things.

they’re considered maladaptive behaviors here because you’re exerting yourself in hopes to reach a common goal yet the other person is unwilling. that’s another tough pill to swallow. the other person, is unwilling or not as willing as you to make this connection work peacefully.

next bullet 🌷 the ability to see from other perspectives, understand and eventually forgive IS a super power. but with great power comes great responsibility. we hear this all the time, it’s true. you cannot just offer up your power to just anyone.

this doesn’t mean to not give every human basic love & respect but for those who continue to violate your boundaries or take you for granted… it’s time to assess whether they are worthy of receiving that power of yours. or do they need a long time out?

your empathetic nature, your desire to be loved, your process of becoming vulnerable with another, can be your biggest weakness if utilized recklessly. by recklessly i mean… mindlessly. without intention behind it. a shot in the dark hoping for the best is not the way.

mainly because, it’s you that really suffers in the end. blaming yourself. wondering why they don’t respect you when you’ve done everything right. well, sometimes people are just unworthy of your love but also? sometimes you are just too available for them.

if you show up dressed as a doormat, people are going to step on it. it’s not always malicious. sometime? they are just responding to energy. so who do you want to show up as?

lastly. if they expect forgiveness from you. if they know who you are as a person. if you’ve made them feel safe, understood & respected since day 1. they may view you as a nurturer. someone they can always turn to & (terrifyingly) someone who will never turn their back on them.

this can get confusing right because they may say things like “i’m so scared to lose you. i’m so scared you’ll drop me”. but have you noticed they express that fear… yet act so boldly as if they don’t actually fear that at all… how confusing right? well.

in my opinion someone being afraid of that, is a good thing. ofc i’m not saying they should live in fear but… they should recognize you as a valuable human being that requires consistent work, respect & love in order to be kept around in any capacity. that’s a fact.

so yeah think about your boundaries. or how quickly you let your walls down again when it comes to that person. do you think they’re even scared to lose you? do you think they can even fathom that reality with the way things are going?

do you pay attention to the discomfort you feel when you let them back in & they’re already trying the same shit with you? acting a little too comfortable. does it make you question how sorry they actually were?

so yeah if they expect forgiveness & revert back to behaviors that quickly. how much do they actually respect you? and maybe that’s a question you need to ask them. no more “lol’s” nothing’s funny about this. stop making them think it’s a light hearted convo when it isn’t.

there’s nothing comical or casual about the state of your emotions. start taking yourself more seriously so others can too. but also, be gentle with yourself. it’s hard to become this person without seeing the behavior modeled. you are learning. i hope this helps you. love you.