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John Bull Profile picture
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Feb 1 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
One day I am going to write a comedy set in local Labour Party meetings on Zoom.
I'm not even going to make anything up. It'll be stuff I've seen happen in them over the years.

I'm just going to change people's names.
It'll even have a part written in it for Robert Lindsay, to resume his 'Wolfie Smith' role. He'll play the elder Trot who got his foot in the Momentum door early.
And there'll be a randy vicar, obviously.

#ifYouKnowYouKnow

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More from @garius

John Bull Profile picture
Feb 4
I have a strange fascination with watching Rishi Sunak manoeuvre for power, as I think he's going to be terrible at it.

It's all very Carlito's Way. He's the young mob lawyer who has fallen in love with his own legend a bit and thinks he's now a gangster.
Both Eat Out and his current energy bill scheme have shown that he's terribly good at coming up with ideas that sound clever to a bunch of earnest young SPADs. But that don't really survive their encounter with actual real-world society and economics.
Normally someone like Rishi would get to cut his teeth on stuff like that (and make those mistakes) somewhere like Transport (see: Phil Hammond).

Rishi is doing it as Chancellor, and may very soon be doing it as PM.
Read 7 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
Jan 26
I see Cosplay Thatcher is now trying to do an actual Thatcher voice as well.
Compare with classic Liz, pre-Thatcher Senpai stage.

She's been coached to talk lower, slower and less expressively.

I presume in part by the old "move your mouth less" trick (I use it doing voice overs where I need to sound like a senior army officer).
I presume the next step on the Cosplay Thatcher plan is to start doing more severe or boufed hair.

Whoever is coaching her is going with the old "don't change too much at once or people will notice" routine.
Read 4 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
Jan 25
Much as I have enjoyed the rockstar lifestyle of living on a heady cocktail of soup, booze and painkillers, I am very much looking forward to a return to solid food.
Although based on my viral tweet output this week it seems I am at my most creative when on soup, painkillers and booze.

Which is concerning.
It's not the painkillers and booze bit that bothers me. I could keep doing those.

I just cannot face any more tubs of soup where the depth of flavour is inversely proportional to the number of hipster ingredients on the label.
Read 4 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
Jan 25
If Rishi's meteoric rise gets done in because he had a slice of Colin the Caterpillar I will laugh my arse off.
Meanwhile at Scotland Yard. Colin the Caterpillar cake with speech bubble: Give me immun
Colin the catepillar cake with speech bubble: You wanna know
Read 11 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
Jan 25
PM'S AIDE: The PM had demanded a rapid deployment force.
CHIEF OF DEFENCE: Yes. I know
AIDE: So where is it?
COD: You're looking at it.
AIDE: That's just Mark Francois holding a spatula
COD: Yes, well, 20 years of financial cuts and mismanagement will do that to an army.
PM'S AIDE: That's really it?
CHIEF OF DEFENCE: Well technically I could call up Penny Mordaunt too, but I think the Prime Minister might question her loyalty.
AIDE: I suppose I should be grateful we have a spatula
COD: Ah. Actually we don't. That's on loan from the Americans.
PM'S AIDE: Don't we have any tanks?
CHIEF OF DEFENCE: Not really. Just one for Defence Ministers to sit in
AIDE: Bugger
COD: Oh wait, we've got some AVs that make people deaf! Forgot about those.
AIDE: The enemy?
COD: No, our chaps. Still, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?
Read 4 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
Jan 25
Remember: Putin has personal history with NATO.

As FSB head, he was part of the gang of three that pushed into Kosovo behind Yeltsin's back at the end of the Balkan Wars.

NATO 'won' there and he swore not to be caught out again.

I wrote about that here: medium.com/lapsed-histori… What Yeltsin’s thoughts on the matter were remains unclearWith or without Yeltsin’s direct knowledge, a deal was str“I felt as if I were the defeated one.” Said General Iva
A lot of the narrative about Putin's relationship with the former Soviet republics (and quasi-satellites like Serbia) starts as if he entered power with a blank slate of feelings towards them and NATO.

But he'd been building a personal history with both long before that.
One of the key reasons Putin always plays the strongman with NATO now, is because the time he personally didn't do that early on (Kosovo) was the time they (from his perspective) reneged on an agreement and embarrassed him in front of the satellites.
Read 4 tweets

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