Thread by @cicerfics

Loosely inspired by @/iliaquer and @/raeinthe:

I REALLY LOVE stuff where wangxian are trying to make a baby, which they plan for WWX to carry.

Except, oopsie-doodle, it's actually LWJ who gets knocked up!

Should've tagged for #PregjiSeason, sorry!

Anyway. I just think it's Extremely Funny when the Lan physicians have to reveal the shocking news.

Wangxian are dumbstruck!

WWX gets his voice back first.

"OHH NOOO. THAT'S not how the talisman was supposed to work! Lan Zhan, I'm so sorry!"

He's cut off by LQR trying to put him in a chokehold, because HOW DARE YOU USE EXPERIMENTAL TALISMANS ON MY NEPHEW.

Meanwhile, the physicians shift their weight awkwardly.

"...Ah. Hanguang-Jun, I see this news comes as a shock. Are you...how do you feel about this situation, precisely?"

LWJ, externally: 😐😐😐

LWJ, internally: 🥰😭🙌

LWJ, internally: I WIN. THE BABY CHOSE TO GROW INSIDE ME. IT LIKES ME BEST. 😍

LWJ, internally: ...wait.

LWJ, internally: This is unacceptable, child. You must love Wei Ying most! You should choose him as your favorite. 😡

LWJ, internally: We will have a SERIOUS talk about Wei Ying's merits once you're born. Then you had better appreciate him. Do you understand me?

Baby: I'm the size of a cherry, baba, I don't understand complex concepts, or your long, fraught history of loving my a-die. 🍒

LWJ, internally:

LWJ, internally:

LWJ, internally: 🥰🥰🥰

WWX is over there in tears, wondering if LWJ is horribly upset with him.

LWJ is zoned out, wondering whether his pregnancy robes should be in blue or purple. Which would look cutest, and how can he choose cuts that subtly draw attention to his growing bump? 🤔

Anyway, LWJ finally manages to communicate that he's actually super psyched about this.

WWX probably thinks (at least at first!) that LWJ is just being kind about the situation, and willing to suffer through it so they can have their long-awaited baby. 🥺

Meanwhile, LWJ is terrorizing the local seamstresses who keep trying to put him in clothing that CONCEALS his belly, rather than showing it off. 😡

In their defense, that's what most of their clients want!

But here comes LWJ, who sincerely wants to wear the equivalent of a sandwich board that says, "I'm carrying my husband's child! Please inquire to learn more about this situation. 🥰"

LQR grumbles about the amount of money LWJ is spending on his new clothes.

It's not really the MONEY, of course, it's the fact that the robes are vaguely INDECENT for a pregnant person. But LQR doesn't want to talk about that, so he chooses to complain about the cost.

LWJ: Mn. Uncle is correct. They are expensive. But when you consider that I may wear them during three or four pregnancies-

He doesn't get any further into his cost-per-wear analysis than that. Both WWX and LQR pass out on the floor.

Oops, this one was supposed to go under this thread!

https://twitter.com/cicerfics/status/1492656127506485248

One more thought!!

I think that the talisman doesn't work as expected because WWX's new golden core isn't strong enough to support a pregnancy yet.

Wangxian eventually figure that out, after LWJ has gotten knocked up three more times.

But eventually, WWX rebuilds his core and fine-tunes the talisman. And it finally works as originally planned: he gets pregnant!!

...AND HE HATES IT SO MUCH. 😭

Pelvis? Aching.

Ankles? Swollen.

Stomach acid? Constantly rising up his throat.

Morning sickness? Lasting the WHOLE pregnancy.

WWX, pitifully clinging to his husband: You. You tricked me. I was deceived. Bamboozled. You made this look SO EASY. 😭

LWJ sailed through all his pregnancies effortlessly, but WWX is a cranky, hangry, swollen mess.

It's eventually worthwhile, because he gives birth to Baby #5, a beautiful little girl...after thirty-seven hours of labor.

LWJ, very gently: Wei Ying did so well. But, beloved, would you perhaps consider...that is, in the future...

WWX, plopping the baby into LWJ's arms: HAHA, YEP, AGREED, I'M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN. 🙃

WWX: GUESS WHO'S HAVING ALL OUR FUTURE BABIES. IT IS YOU. GOOD NIGHT. *passes out*