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Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
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Feb 15 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
The only reason the Durham probe of the FBI exists is for conservative news outlets to report that There Is Definitely Something Going On That the Mainstream Media Won’t Report
NYPOST: Hillary accused of spying

NRO: The final Durham report will be damning

DM: Biden aide is in the hot seat

FOX: THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA REFUSES TO TALK ABOUT THIS

D: That’s because it sounds like a lot of hot air and wishful thinking

R: How can Democrats be so brainwashed
D: Trump’s son attended a meeting with Kremlin lawyers to collect dirt on HRC after they’d hacked US government servers

R: That’s been debunked

D: No it hasn’t

R: Plus, it is far less significant than our allegation that Obama and/or Clinton and/or Biden spied on Trump
D: We’ve been over this. The FBI investigation was not politically motivated

R: Since Trump was the target, it was political by definition

D: That’s not how it works

R: And therefore, no investigation of Trump is valid if it gives Democrats any kind of political advantage
D: So you’re saying no investigation of Trump is valid if you don’t like the results, much like you don’t believe impeachment hearings are valid if you don’t like the results, much like you don’t think an election is valid if you don’t like the results

R: It’s the American way!
D: I suspect the only reason Durham keeps dragging Hillary Clinton into this is to fire up the Republican base

R: Still bitter that she lost to Trump? 😂 He sure showed you!

D: And yet you have refused to criticize a single thing he has done since then

R: We never needed to!
D: Yes, I’m sure the man who lied 30,000 times, disregarded a pandemic that killed half a million Americans, refused to acknowledge he lost the election & led a siege on the Capitol to interfere with the certification of his successor is beyond reproach

R: That’s all fake news
D: The GOP’s behavior since the election makes me highly skeptical that Trump’s electoral victory had much to do with the relative merit of the candidates’ respective ideas

R: I will now accuse you of TDS & share a meme of Hillary making a goofy face

D: It’s 2016 all over again

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
Feb 15
I suppose we all reach the stage of life where we have to stop taking spontaneous trips to Rome because we’re hungry for pasta
DiSANTIS, FEBRUARY 3: Whoo-hoo! I’ve been interviewed by the New York Times! I can’t wait to tell my family & friends!

DiSANTIS, FEBRUARY 4: Why are there so many people with pitchforks in my front yard
GOV. DeSANTIS: And to think *I* used to be the least-popular “DeSantis” in the country

DiSANTIS: But we spell our names differently

GOV. DeSANTIS: Yeah yeah, Marie Antoinette. Listen, can you please stand a little further away?
Read 4 tweets
Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
Feb 13
“The solution to offensive speech is more speech, not less” is a difficult maxim to refute. But it is not without its problems, the greatest of which is that the loudest and most persistent voices invariably end up dominating the discussion regardless of empirical merit
I think some proponents of this ideology cling to a platonic ideal of the “marketplace of ideas” in which the wisdom of the masses is sufficient to separate valuable truth from deceit & chicanery.

This does not appear to be how it works in the real world.
We have similar ideals in our discussions of the economic “free market”, but when, say, Jimbo’s Mom & Pop Shop goes head-to-head with Jeff Bezos’ Half-a-Trillion-Dollar Electronic Megamall it’s not exactly going to be a fair fight
Read 7 tweets
Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
Feb 11
FOX NEWS: Many people are saying there are rumors & speculation from very important people who think that there’s a chance Hillary Clinton might possibly be considering maybe thinking about challenging Biden in 2024

D: How is that even a story

R: OOOOH! I HATE HILLARY CLINTON!
FOX: HILLARY CLINTON HILLARY CLINTON SHRIEEEEK

D: She’s not running for President

FOX: It’s technically possible

D: We know this is one of your many distractions to scare your audience because Joe Biden just isn’t a very frightening boogeyman

FOX: We distinctly said SHRIEEEEK
R: Well, how is that different than liberals talking about Trump

D: Because Trump is still the de facto head of the GOP & almost certainly the 2024 frontrunner

R: That’s TDS! 😂 And by the way, any Republican who criticizes him is a RINO

D: Yes, your Party has clearly moved on
Read 4 tweets
Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
Feb 9
When “Guilt by Association with Nazis” is an issue that somehow keeps coming up
R: I am SO SICK of liberals calling us Nazis just because actual Nazis are on our side

D: Uh…

R: What about all of the good conservative beliefs Nazis agree with

D: Like what?

R: I know they REALLY oppose trade unions & support border security

D: Keep digging
R: By the way, today’s my first day on the Internet, so I will smugly inform you that “Nazi” is short for “National Socialist” and then pretend that actually means something

D: I will now wearily explain to you why that is irrelevant political sophistry: ⬇️
Read 4 tweets
Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
Feb 8
Imagining myself pocketing the 50 G’s and starting fresh, desperately trying to attract attention to my satirical dialogues about political gaslighting by stapling them to wooden kiosks & telephone poles
Hey, I don’t know who’s offering $50,000 to buy the rights to my Twitter account, but I’m sure a robust corporation like Disney Plus could continue to generate the blue-ribbon content my readers have grown accustomed to
D: Hello! I am D, a Democrat

R: And I am R, a Republican

D: Let’s argue about politics

R: OK

D: Have you ever noticed the similarities between Donald Trump and a poop-flinging monkey?

R: No, I never have

(choreographed fight scene and/or dance number)

R: Well, that was fun
Read 4 tweets
Still D.R.Eamweasel Profile picture
Feb 8
THE RETURN OF COLBY, THE STILL PROFOUNDLY-FICTIONAL LIBERAL ARCHETYPE THAT YOU HEAR ABOUT ON FOX NEWS

COLBY: My goal is to divide the country by relentlessly criticizing the way Republicans behaved after the 2020 election

D: Are you suggesting that we weren’t divided before
COLBY: The only reason I continue to insist the January 6th rally was a big deal is to distract from the ever-present rioting & looting at BLM protests

D: I suppose there’s not much point in explaining “projection” to you
COLBY: We all know lockdowns are pointless, masks are a nuisance & vaccines are dangerous, but I get a great feeling of power when I force them on everyday Americans

D: So you’re the one
Read 6 tweets

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