How to get second breakfast
(a thread)
1. Divide and Conquer: the humans in the morning and slow and stupid. Be wary if they have had their bitter black juice as they are less dumb. After being fed by one, isolate this human while another dog uses any method to convince a second human you have yet to eat.
2. Weekend confusion: most humans don’t work a couple days a week and thus fail to have the screaming wake up machine set. As their routines are destroyed, use this to your advantage. They may forget what time you eat and are susceptible to a second attempt.
3. Small humans are easy marks: little humans don’t know what is going on. They don’t pay taxes and have little power in the house. Use their innocence against them but make use of their ability to open doors. Follow them with puppy dog eyes and success will come.
4. Settle for less: Second breakfast may not be actual breakfast but morning humans are clumsy and forgetful. They may leave out half eaten cereal or sweet juice cups. Sure it’s soggy but you are always after their Lucky Charms.

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More from @bunsenbernerbmd

Feb 21
Is every single snowflake unique?
Well it’s time for a science thread with adorable dogs.
Snowflakes fall when cloud temperature reaches -10°C or colder.
Particles in the air start the ice crystal- dust, dirt, water, etc.
(1/4) Beaker in the snow
The crystals fall to earth as more and more water condenses on the crystal. Here is where the magic happens!
A snowflake forms a six sided shape- honeycomb in appearance.
Why six sides?
Read on science friend (2/4) Bunsen in the snow
Hydrogen and oxygen (in water) combine in a pattern known as six fold symmetry. As the flake falls, this pattern makes the base shape but it is humidity that shapes the flake.
High humidity (water in air) cause the flake to branch out forming star like patterns but… (3/4) Bunsen in the snow
Read 4 tweets
Dec 24, 2021
Ok. It’s time for Santa Science.
Hold on to your beard and hat.
🧵 (1/7)
Santa has to visit around 600 million kids in 24 hours (32ish due to timezones) but anyway. To get to this many houses Santa travels SO fast he experiences TIME DILATION.
Santa moves SO fast time slows for him. (Einstein’s Theory of Relativity) (2/7)
So BOOM due to slowed time, he can get to all those houses! On top of this, he would age slower AND shrink in size due to time contraction. The size of an object shrinks the faster it goes. Guess which jolly man can now fit down a chimney? (3/7)
Read 7 tweets
Aug 3, 2021
COVID spread takes time.
Say 50% of people (low vax rate) just stop picking up dog poop at a dog park.
To start with, you don’t notice it. There is tons of space, and little poops. Where is all the poop people say? What’s the worry?
Days go by, 50% still leaving the poops. 1/2
Some people have protected their feet by wearing rubber boots. The 50% not picking up poop are wearing sandals.
More days go by. Now there is POOP everywhere. Everyone is stepping in it. Sandal people are getting it between their toes 2/4
Some sandal people have blisters or sores and oh boy do their feet get infected. The poop changes. It’s now super nasty, sticky and super clingy.
Boot people are tracking the poop everywhere too. Boot people don’t know they’re covered in poop because they are protected.
3/4
Read 4 tweets
Jul 23, 2021
A BIRD FLEW INTO THE HOUSE.
IT ALMOST FELL IN THE TURTLE TANK
OH THE HUMAN HAS A FISHING NET NOW. SILLY HUMAN THERE IS NO FISH IN THE HOUSE
Read 9 tweets
Jul 22, 2021
Hornets Swarm 1
Beaker 0
(Beaker is ok)
#ihaveaswollenfacealso #youcanotbiteahornetswarm ImageImage
Update: Dadguy put on his survival suit and exterminated the very large nest.
Update: bumpy face 😢 Image
Read 4 tweets
Apr 27, 2021
#WorldImmunizationWeek
COVID specific:
Fact:
They are safe and effective. A small small small % of people have serious side effects.
Fact:
Yes- there are minor side effects. Our human got night lava sweats and was exhausted for a day. He’s totally fine now.
#COVID19
Fact: you cannot GET COVID-19 from the vaccine. It literally doesn’t have the virus in it. It has parts of it which makes your body remember for when it comes in contact for REAL.
You cannot SHED the vaccine.
You are not a dog. The vaccine is not hair.
Fact: the more people get vaccinated the sooner life goes back to normal. Yes- this means concerts, sports, weddings and funerals.
If you want restrictions to end, we need A HUGE % of people to get the jab as quick as possible. Want fancy gatherings? Get the fancy vaccine.
Read 4 tweets

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