Thread by @TheBrometheus

Folks will think I'm nuts but,

My son is 5. I explain every decision to him. I NEVER tell him to blindly accept what I say.

I'm not raising a perpetual child. Childhood is 18 years and adulthood an average of 62.

Raise your children to THINK. That means EXPLAINING.

Is the temptation there sometimes to rush ahead and not explain? Sure.

Could I handwave his concerns and say I'M THE ADULT? Yes.

Is that parenting? No. It's abdicating responsibility. And prioritizing ego over my responsibility to cultivate a thinking human being.

The best part? He never fights me.

If I say No and he starts to get upset I explain in detail why I made the decision. We walk through the logic. He thinks hard. In the end, he agrees it's the best choice.

Then we compromise. When might that decision be different in the future?

I could be a jerk. I could yell and rant and scream about how I'm the dad and no one questions my authority.

But why? If I want a healthy family and loving children who grow into healthy adults who make the best decisions, why wouldn't I take the time to explain?

Why?

We don't fight. He knows my decisions will be explained at length if he asks. So he makes calm requests, we go through them, we compromise without violating principles, and we work together. And his attachment is incredibly healthy. I know, because I assess all the time. 🤣

Parenthood can be challenging but it shouldn't be an endless fight against your children. If you're working as a team and treating them like the adults you want them to become, they won't hate you.

That requires the time and patience to explain and teach.

Also called PARENTING.

This also requires parents to treat their children's ideas and requests seriously. Not by totally collapsing into every fantasy, but by knowing the request is important TO THE CHILD. That means treating the request with respect, even if you say no.

Respect your kids as humans.

Too many parents treat their kids as objects. As possessions. As debt-slaves who owe the parent blind obedience to repay the food and shelter they've received over the years.

Are you raising a slave?

Explain. Compromise. Respect. Take seriously. Care. Be patient. Spend the time. Love.

Be a parent.

This is how you build a healthy family.

Finally, this forces the parent to make all decisions based on logic instead of emotion. Many parents who refuse to explain have made their decisions based on feelings and don't want to admit it. They don't know their own logic.

This will be made painfully apparent here.

This requires you to learn to be more logical. To heal your brain. To resolve your conflicts. If you cannot explain your decision at length, and if you cannot tolerate people pointing out the flaws in your logic, the problem is not your child. It is you.

A parent must be solid.

These principles apply to every relationship where you hold authority. Parent, manager, commanding officer, CEO. All require leadership. Which requires respect, care, and patience.

Don’t just go through the motions.

Lead.