Thread by @delaneykingrox

A car crashed on our street and wiped out the power. So I made a coal fire grill and whipped up some burgers from scratch.

*pats own head*

I am feeling incredibly chuffed with myself.

They where freaking delicious.

*were

The only problem is now I have to boil water on the stove for a cup of tea. As @GailSimone knows, English women like myself microwave tea.

This is a challenge.

Hand cranked radio/torch music, candlight and weird tea.

But I am never not having fire making wood, charcoal and a grill ever again. :)

So, some things I learned today about burgers:

1. The goal is to keep the juice in- so loosely form them into a thicker puck and never press down on them with the spatula- that sizzle is your juice escaping.

2. Press a divot into the middle of the patty to stop it balling up.

3. You want a high fat content in the mince.

4. Don't put a lot of salt into the meat, it will force the juices out. Instead season on grill.

5. Panko breadcrumbs are better than regular breadcrumbs, they hold in the juices and have a softer texture.

6. Also if you push down on the raw side of the patty you risk cross contamination when you flip.

7. Push the coals to one side- you use that side for the sear to get a good crust- it seals in the juices, then you move it to the side without coals, put the lid on to cook thru.

8. Finely shredding up a small brown onion into the meat really adds some flavour, but if it isn't fine enough it will cause it to fall apart.

9. If you sit both halves of the bun ontop of the cooked side, the jucies steam the bun.

10. Brush mayo onto the bun and sear.

11. You want high quality meat with a high fat content. Cheap supermarket meat is heavily water injected. You aren't getting value. Buying a good big bag of mince is cheap when you break it up into patties, especially if you prefer breadcrumb stretched and egg bound.

12. Always rest the cooked burgers before assembling as the meat relaxes, and thinks it may survive this ordeal. Hahaha foolish burger. But it makes the burger more tender and the juices release. This is a great time to put the cheese on.

13. Be gay. Do crimes.

14. You don't need firelighters of fluid. You can start a fire under the coals using paper, card and twigs, just be sure to have enough gaps for air to fuel the flames. Then fan it to let the flames lick over the charcoal- if you get a little hot fire under them...

..the charcoal will catch- usually about 20 minutes til they get white. No effort, just a little fanning to get the fire underneath hot and concentrated, then you can sit and have a drink and tell stories.

15. Wait until your coals are all white and starting to reduce in size.

15(cont) you want them glowing orange underneath but sort of at a even, flameless heat. That's a good cooking heat.

16. Flip once. You want about 4 mins aside for medium rare, 5 for medium... so its critical to watch them, as it changes fast.

17. If you want smokey flavours, get some smoke chips like hickory. You need to soak them ahead of time to get the smokiness.

18. Lower vent open to allow air in, and put the lid vent open on the opposite side- that way the air comes in and the smoke rolls over your meat.

19. The first mass produced burger was made by White Castle- they made flat patties with holes in them so they cook fast- they cook them in a tray of fat, which also steams it, and the bun they place ontop. So... yeah steamed ham(burgers).

20. There is a type of burger called the smash burger. This is a patty pressed against the grill with a weight. A layer of grease paper stops it sticking.
The smash burger loses the juicy quality but gets a serious crunchy quality that some like. The trick is to taper the edge

21. If you like egg on your burger, get a good non stick egg ring from a cooking store. You can also slice an onion thick and take a ring from that.

The way I do my burger eggs is I make a double yolker. I seperate my eggs, season the whites, pour a little in the mould...

Then both yolks, then I top up to cover them. This guarantees a good yolk ratio when you bite in.

22. Australians put beetroot, egg and pineapple on their burgers. It's actually quite nice, especially if you caramelise the pineapple on the hotplate.

23. you can make a big batch and freeze them. I put greaseproof paper between my patties and keep them in a freezer bag

24. You can't seem to find a burger in Australia that isn't on a brioche bun. Fucking hell people, it isn't cake. The best bun ever made was that malty Quarter Pounder bun from Wimpys in the UK.

25. The nice thing about charcoal grills is it feels very human and cosy.

26. Once you form your patties, let them chill for 20 minutes before cooking. They hold together better.

27. For a full mouth feel, look to hit all the senses. Salt, sweet (sauce), sour (pickles), bitter and umami (worcester sauce)- hot and cool. You want textures.

Seriously, it has been fascinating learning this stuff. And I feel like I am just scratching the surface of what can be done.

My seasoning: no measures as I eyeball it to taste.

Smoked paprika
Sweet paprika
Cayenne Pepper
White Pepper
Black Pepper (lots)
Maldon Sea Salt (go Essex!) (Go easy in mix or it will be dry- add on outside)
Worcestershire sauce. (Pronounced Wooster sher)

Panko crumbs
1 egg

Epstein didn't kill himself

Okay so that is a lot of what I learned. And it payed off big time. I cannot wait to experiment.

Gonna make an elvis burger

Good news: the power is back on.

Bad news: the surge didn't trip the circuit breakers but instead fried the air conditioning unit.

So now I am running a fan to clear toxic fumes from my house.

It was a damn good burger though