Thread by @ZeroWrites

#AskingAutistics #askADHD How do SSRI's affect you?

I started one two months ago or so and it has been a drastic difference. Some good, some bad. I also have both acute/"normal" and complicated PTSD and am in both bereavement and burnout though, so lots of factors.

I'll go first: The SSRI I'm on hasn't particularly impacted my mood that I've noticed, but it has effectively killed my body's drive for sleep, food, and sex. These can be categorized into "annoying", "dangerous", and "good", respectively.

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#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD

I've had disordered sleep my entire life. Since the pandemic, I've taken to going to sleep after not being able to stay awake any longer and waking up whenever I wake up. Now, I need to actively choose to go to sleep which is mostly OK now that I'm aware of it.

It seems a little backwards to set an alarm to go to sleep, and it also has been requiring me to make sure I take some of my other stimulating meds at a reasonable time. Nightmares and dreams have picked up as well. But yeah, manageable.

No longer feeling the need to eat is particularly dangerous for me. I've had many periods of disordered eating and outright anorexia / exercise-bulimia in my life. So yeah, it's honestly a little scary, but I'm arrogant enough to believe I'll be able to manage it.

Also, literally anytime I've ever been prescribed a medicine that has a side effect of killing one's appetite, the prescriber has made a comment like, "so this could actually be good for you so you can lose some weight."

The medical field is the most fatphobic of all.

My point being, unless I get to the point of severe side effects of my disordered eating (and probably not even then), I can be 100% honest about my diet and even be lauded for it by my prescriber.

For the last side effect, it's been somewhat heartbreaking if I'm being honest. Heartbreaking I couldn't have started sooner.

Only in the last year have I acknowledged that my hypersexuality was actually a consequence of my history and not just part of who I am. I know they say that hypersexuality is a common symptom of trauma, but I just thought I was both traumatized and also like that.

I also believed the propaganda that sexual desire made me more creative. I now know that it has nothing at all to do with my creativity or motivation or drive and has only been holding me back.

It is the first time in my life I've felt like my body listened to my brain (still dyspraxic, but we're at least united in our goals now).

I'm still processing it all, but even though all of these are supposed to just be side effects and the other two are annoying or outright dangerous, I don't know if I can go back to losing this particular side effect.

I also was much closer to some SIBs and ideations than I have been for a while when I started this. Like I said, my mood has not improved, even now, but my energy levels certainly have, and some brain fog has lifted even.

But, when you rely on dissociating or when you rely on being able to disconnect and lose yourself in something, clarity of thought and energy is not necessarily the best or safest thing.

I can't say I recommend this. I also can't say it's a net positive. I can say as I take it more, the less I feel comfortable not taking it and losing this. I also will say that it is the most drastic change to my physiology of every drug I remember taking.

It's certainly more addictive and dangerous for me than any of the Schedule II drugs I take for ADHD. Anyway, that's been my experience thus far. I hope to learn and hopefully get some expectations from the experiences of others.