Thread by @JillianWeise

I am thinking about publicly naming

1) the male co-worker in my department who kissed me without my consent while I was standing by my car in disabled parking outside Gaines Street Pies

and

2) his wife, who witnessed her husband kiss me without my consent

I have not named either of these people for a number of reasons, but primarily: 1) these people taught me poetry; they brought me into poetry; they introduced me to the very art that I practice and

2) I would like to believe in a world where restorative justice is possible. I have spoken to a colleague about restorative justice and about whether that colleague thinks it is possible in this situation

That colleague said, and I paraphrase, "No, Cy, restorative justice is not an option. They do not think they have done anything wrong."

This broke my heart all over again. To be clear: The colleague didn't mean to break my heart. Not at all.

The colleague was giving me their honest opinion on the situation I find myself in. And the colleague's right.

The man who kissed me without my consent? He doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

The woman who witnessed it? his wife? She doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

That hurts my feelings. Because that means I must use the law against my poetry teachers. I must bring charges against them. I would prefer to practice restorative justice in this situation, but really? I would prefer my poetry teacher to have never done that.

Why am I not surprised that a male creative writer thinks he can just go around kissing people on the mouth without consent?

Why am I not surprised by that?

Why is that okay? in creative writing culture?

#AcademicTwitter #CreativeWriting #PoetryCommunity

Why is that so common that more than one person, in creative writing community, has actually said to me, "Well, far worse has happened to me."

It is not a competition.

What the male co-worker did? That was battery. Against me. And his wife? She's a bystander.

Now I am considering my options.

Restorative justice, to my knowledge, is not an option. If you are in touch with the male co-worker, or his wife, and you think restorative justice might actually be an option? You let me know.

But w/o that option? Here are my options:

I could bring charges against this male co-worker and his wife. I could go to the State Attorney and say, "Here's what happened."

But this would take up a lot of my time. This would take away from my practice as a poet and an artist. This would focus me on my abusers.

So another option?

I could just name them both. Publicly. I could name them here, on Twitter, and also on Instagram, where I keep an account, and also on Facebook, where they have accounts.

I could say: Here are the two people. These are their names. This is what they did on November 8, 2022 to me in a parking lot. What they did was not okay.

I am thinking about publicly naming them because if I don't publicly name them? I am worried they will continue to do that to other people. Possibly my students. Yes.

Student safety is actually very important to me.

Student safety is so important to me that I am willing to name the two people, who hurt me, on November 8, 2022, if that means students will be safe.

If that means students will understand: you are not safe around these two.

I do not wish to name them today bc it is already a hard day for me.

It is the day after the three month mark.

It is February 9, 2023.

My poetry teachers disregarded my rights, and my consent, on November 8, 2022. It's been three months. They don't care. That they did that.

Yesterday I threw up. I vomited. Because I thought by now? Those two colleagues, either the husband or the wife, would have come to me and apologized. For what they did to me. But they have not come to me. Not at all. I vomited bc I think it's not the first time.

That is a physical body reaction to the battery.

And that is a physical body reaction to knowing about what the colleagues have done to others.

Because yes. I know too much. About what those two colleagues. Have done to others.

Students: you are not safe around them.

Students: I admire and respect you so much. You are strong and I am with you. I am with you even if you must continue working with the two people in order to complete your degree. I understand why you might need to do that. Plz be careful around those two ppl.

I am speaking, especially, to students who are women or women-identifying or femme-presenting, and also to students who are disabled, openly disabled, and students who are agender, trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, or gender nonconforming.

🏳️‍⚧️♀️♿️

Students who match those identities? I think you are especially at risk from these two people and their abuses. If you feel safe enough reporting, I ask you to report to the administration. If you do not feel safe reporting, I ask you to bring friends with you.

If you interact with the two people, bring friends with you.

I wish I had a friend with me on the night of November 8, 2022. I did not have any friends with me that night. But if I did? That man would not have kissed me, on the mouth, without my consent.

Revision to the above: I do not victim blame. And so, I do not blame myself.

Why tf would I think I need to bring friends around Colleague 1 and Colleague 2?

I did not know. I did not know about all that those Colleagues have been up to. I had no reason to be concerned.

Nobody had warned me.

That's why I'm warning my students.

Those two colleagues? They are not safe people.