I #showered today, went to my eye appointment, and intended to go work at a coffee shop.

My #Depression: *zaps me of all energy no matter how hopeful we were for the day.*

My #Anxiety: I mean what if you go the coffee shop and someone steals your computer or hit your car? Me takes phone off of #airplanemode to call my insurance company--waits on hold for 45+ minutes... no biggie.

Personal call comes through, I pick up and I REMEMBER
why my phone been on #airplanemode for days.

Humans can be exhausting+ I'm already exhausted. Not the best combo.

I just turned off #airplanemode so that I could text my granny so that we keep our routine and she don't pop up over here BUT truthfully her son [the artist formerly known dad] had me in my feelings last night.

I'm grateful that I handled it "well" but damn.
#carreconfession I really be tryna be chill but tbh my parents... they are something else.

I be tryna stay out the way& still get hit w/ emotional nonsense.
I just am not interested.
Yall ever came to the conclusion that ur parents don't FW you based on their actions? Ever happened twice?!

I took my contacts out BEFORE I found me a couple episodes of #babydaddymaury and kept up ended up on #liedetectormaury which is NOT my preference...

So now I'm listening to #Cheaters... 😶 Buddy Ass said, "why you tryna come over on a week day; you usually come over on the weekend... why you tryna change up?" as he taking some girl out to dinner while telling his gf he at home.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

*they been together 5 years
*his gf just hauled off on the side chick

I relate differently because my life experiences have created a necessity for GENUINE reciprocity, consistency, respect, kindness, care, effort, and transparency. I will NEVER be afraid to walk from anyone OR anything that requires me betray myself to be connected them.

Yall ever experienced #heartbreak and then was like, " i WILL neVEr lEt AnyONe bREaK MY hEArT aGAin"...

Then life hits you with "HOLD MY FUCKING BEER..." I must've never LOVED, been loved, or felt so connected to another human being like this... EVER.

Yall keep asking ME why I'm NOT spending #xmas with my father, I WASN'T INVITED.

I don't believe in going places where I'm NOT invited, celebrated, embraced, empowered,or appreciated.

So,yeah. there ya go. Yall could practice NOT being in spaces that dont want yall there too. Stop FORCING yallself in folks life then being MAD cause they not responding or reacting positively.
#ThinkAboutIt:
The more time you spend with people who don't fuck with you, the more time you miss out on spending time with people who DO fuck with you.

I been back home, like in #GaryIndiana, for like 8 calendars and people STILL think I'm gone. I guess I stay out the way too good.
I mind my business too well.
I stay in my lane too good.
I focus on my focus too well.
I only prioritize my priorities.
All that other SHIT is beyond me.
It's MY energy + I aint wasting on shit that AINT productive, inspiring, or meaningful.

I need a good CRY but sis, these tears not coming out.😭

I need to write, maybe some poetry, quotes, or short free form, etc..📖

I just wanna be loved on-- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, intellectually, and physically.👽 These last 6-12 months have been a whole fucking lot BUT I BEEN SHOWING UP, DOING THE WORK, AND REMAINING OPEN.

But I'M TIRED, BOSS.🥴