Thread by @HakeemAndrsn

Ask your lover questions about their love experiences when growing up.

(t*)

Ask about their take on their parents’ relationship and what they know about the love dynamic in the family they grew up in.

This informs you greatly about the person you’re with and how they were socialised to love and receive love.

Ask about their childhood traumas. Ask about their first heartbreak.

Oftentimes our families are where we learn to shut down when we are pressured or feel pressed to be what we can’t just yet so we clam up as adults when it comes to dealing with what pains us in relationships.

Ask about their first time actually being in love with someone.

Ask them about what their first heartbreak was caused by.

Ask them about how they felt and understand who they became after the fact.

Ask them how you can help when those feelings resurface around you.

Ask when you’re ready too.

Ask when you can stand by the truths they reveal to you trusting that they won’t suffer the same abuses from you.

Ask because going into it informs you on how to grow where both of you are going.

Ask because you have to live with this person

Ask your partner about their pasts and how they’ve dealt with issues of abandonment.

Ask your partner about what their insecurities are and what they make them feel like so you never do anything that makes them exist in that pain.

Ask because you love peace for them in you.

Ask your partner if they trust you and if they do, ask them how you can improve how you love them so them being with you is less of a war when you fight & disagree.

You want a partner that still sees you as a rescue to run to and at least sees your point of view as valid too.

Ask your partner about their feelings towards their fathers, mothers, siblings and blood relatives.

Ask because that reveals their character and helps you discern when you’re planning your future with someone.

Ask because you have to know whom it is you will grow.

Ask because building a future black family is dependent on where you are now and greatly relies on how deeply you know the person you love.

Broken homes still make whole humans but some pains still live in our bones.

Our healing lives in our relationships too. Help.

And you can only help in someone’s healing once you know where it hurts the most still.

You can help by not continuing the harm they’ve felt and been dealt before.

You can help but you need to ask in order to know how to be there for the person who says it’s you they love.

How they love you is learned from where they come.

Where they come from has lessons that teach you who they truly are.

Who they truly are could be marred by pains that cost you true love from a partner that needs to know they’re safe enough in your arms.

In your life.

Ask because your happiness and that peace you seek and want is dependent on who they’ve become.

We can’t afford to enjoy fruits of the people we love without knowing the places their seeds come from.

Ask about my heart and its scars and I’ll show you the depths of true love.

With love,
In all calm,
Please ask
Those you love
Whence they’re
Come.

Please?

— h.a-l

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