Thread by @Legendgerry

#DnD #rpg #coya
Result:
"Oh put them in the armor first" calls Sir Thorns "I know I needed a change of pants after my knighting!"
There's general chuckling from the crowd
"Mrs S if you wouldn't mind showing them to somewhere they can get changed" the Lady asks her.
"Certainly me

Lady, this way big un" she grasps your arm and steers you off to a small room just off the main hall.
Inside there's a chair and a table with some garments on it, a jacket, pants, and a vest
They seem to be some sort of black leather, you're sure you've seen them somewhere before

Mrs S puts a jar of some chalky powder on the table.
"Rub this on your legs before you put those pants on, they can get a bit tight after a while, this will make taking them off again easier"
You look at her in confusion
"What in the hells is happening to me now?" you ask

plaintively.
"Simple enough, you nearly caused an apocalypse today so we have to take measures to ensure that doesn't happen again. The Lady decided that making you a knight would let us keep a weather eye on you while you're about your business. Be easier to kill you but no one

listens to little old me" she says with a dramatic sniffle.
You sincerely doubt anyone could avoid hearing Mrs S if she wanted them too.
"So I can leave?" you ask hopefully
"Oh yes as soon as we've given you your knightly acoutry.....acatery...stuff we'll be insisting you leave"

You dutifully rub the powder on your legs, its really soft.
"So what is a knight errant any way" you ask as you pull on the pants, they really are tight and thick too. Yet not as heavy as you'd expect
"It's a knight that gets sent on errants of course" she replies with a grin

You reach for the vest, it seems to have some sort of plating inside it
"I can't wear metal armor" you say to her in alarm, turning down this gift could cause all sorts of problems.
"Plates aren't metal" she says with a hint of pride "They're woven spider silk, tougher than that

'orrible ol' Iron any day. we ain't exactly fond of metal around here you know"
You put it on and find it to be fairly light despite the plating,
"So I have to do errands now? you ask grabbing the jacket
"No an errant, he didn't say errantS did 'e?"
"No" you admit, you're tiring

fey word games
"Hang on you need something over that vest chummer"
"Huh?"
"Chummer, 'nother word for pal. 'ere put this on" she pulls a button-less short sleeved shirt out of a small satchel on her belt and throw it to you.
On what you assume is the front, is a picture of a human

being hit with a club and the words "Fuck Da Polis" emblazoned over it.
You pull it on over the vest, it feels right.
"Now no one can spot the second layer of armor" Mrs S says with a smile "Lets see what else.."
You put on the jacket as rummages in the satchel and find you can't

close it.
There's no buttons, just rows of coppery bars and some sort of tag at the bottom of them.
Mrs S pulls a large belt with a rams head buckle out of her satchel
"Yeah this will do" she says, more to herself than you.
She sees you trying to figure out the jacket
"Oh yes

Sorry I forgot you wouldn't have seen one of those before"
She comes over and hands you the belt as she grabs the bottom of the open sides of the jacket
"See this long bit slots in there, make sure it's down nice and tight then pull this bit up, tis called a zip because it zips

right up" she pulls the metal tag up and the jacket is closed!
"Must be some Dwarf magic" you think to yourself.
"Now put that belt on" she instructs you "this my gift to you, wayward and all as you are you'l likely need it.
Once you have it looped and secure she tells you to

grab the horns of the belt buckle.
When you do you're surprised to feel some give in them
"Now pull the horns out till you feel a click then pull up"
You do as your told and the horns detach, small vicious looking blades at the end of them.
Handy indeed!
She makes you do i a few

times until you can do it quickly.
"Right almost done" she pulls a satchel that matches her own out, I'll put your gear away, you put this on and let them have a look at you outside.
She throws an odd helm to you it has a clear visor made of something more durable than glass.

It's fur lined inside but a bit to tight for your liking.
Mrs S opens the door and you go out to a waiting crowd, there are whistles and jeers but all in a friendly tone.
Then Sir Thorns comes forward with some battered, moody looking guards
"Want to test that armor?" he asks

TL:DR version
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LETS GET READY TO RUUUUMMMBLE!

https://twitter.com/Legendgerry/status/1101548557306339335