Ra_Bies 2.0 Profile picture
Mar 18, 2019 5 tweets 1 min read
My friend Dhirendra was Brahmachari but then he met a woman named Indira
When Raj came back from London and saw his mom with a Yogi with beard he asked her who he was. “Everyone has needs”, she said. “Needs?” Raj raised his eyebrows. “Yes, Yoga is a need, we all should exercise” Raj’s mom said
“Yoga is a need but Yogi?” an inquisitive Raj asked his mom. “Yoga and Yogi, both are needs”, she smiled. Raj understood her meaning. He smiled & said “Like father like daughter”
One day the other son Sanju came home & found her mom massaging Brahamchari all over his body. He got a bit angry “Ma, you’re such a powerful lady, yet you’re massaging a Yogi”, “Son, I never do any charity, just in a while I’d get double of what I’m giving”, she smiled wickedly
Raj came back after a long flight & saw Indu lip-licking Yogi with a beard. Yogi saw her & explained “Bachcha hum issko breathing sikha rahe hain, tum ne seekhna hai toh aa jao, Soni ko bhi le aao”. Listening this Raj ran for his life

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More from @Ra_Bies

Dec 17, 2020
Dear @nsitharaman and @narendramodi, with having full faith in you & your government, I wish to draw your attention to certain facts. A thread
We haven’t come across or heard incident of corruption against your government which should be a normal practice but yet when compared with the previous UPA government, it is a commendable achievement
However the situation is not as good at the ground level. There has been lesser corruption because of use of systems driven techniques and lesser human intervention. But still there is rampant corruption in many departments & ministries, by bureaucrats & officers
Read 10 tweets
Dec 1, 2020
Chachaji was fond of farming. Once he was caressing Ed’s hair & puffing cigar when Ed said “Pundat kya thumhara bull soya hota, aaj farming nahin karne ka”, Chachaji sighed “There is a lot of grass on the farm”, Ed hugged him & said “Pundat grass is temporary, farm is permanent”
Chachaji fondling Ed’s lips told her about Corona vaccine “Ed darling there are two kinds of vaccinations, I’d like to get you vaccinated ASAP”, a hot Ed kissed Chachaji & loosening her skirt said in a husky voice “Pundat hum ko toh sirf thumhara injection maangta, lagao jaldi”
Chachaji holding newspaper in one hand & playing with Ed’s apple with other said “Kamala is now Vice President of the US”, Ed holding Chachaji’s hard cigar said “Pundat, Kamala ko kaun poochta, sab ignore karega thoda din baad, thum ne bhi toh Kamala ko apna cigar tak nahin diya”
Read 6 tweets
Oct 19, 2020
Good Morning to all specially my fellow Muzlim men having multiple wives. Yes, now I’m in this elite league! I never thought it’d be such a fun to have four wives. Salma is filling my hookah, Shabana cooking Biryani, Arfa massaging my legs & one name forgotten is performing mujra
The fourth wife performing Mujra on old Bollywood songs like Inhi Logon ne liya dupatta mera & Salame-e-Ishq meri jaan zara kabool kar lo & whose name I had forgotten came close when I offered her 2K currency notes & said “Janaab iss naacheez ka naam Nida hai, Nikaah kabool hai”
Just when I was having fun with all wives eating Biryani smoking Hookah, drinking desi watching Mujra, I was told by maid Rana that an old but dashing neighbour has come & he is looking very angry. That man just stormed in & slapped Rana & Nida screaming “Ye koi Ramdikhana hai”
Read 6 tweets
Apr 4, 2020
There is no rationale in lighting diyas, candles. It’s symbolism. It’s a symbol of solidarity.
What’s the rationale behind you praying, wishing birthday, diwali, Christmas? Will you wishing bring health & prosperity? No, it won’t but it’s symbol of your love & affection. Idiots
Why do you wish good morning, namaste, Ram Ram to your parents, kids, siblings, friends? Will it make their morning & day good? Do they get success happiness health in their life just because you wished them? No, it’s a small way of showing your love & affection. A symbol
And idiots, you’re ashamed of this act, this symbol of solidarity by lighting a diya, a candle, torch? You’re ashamed of showing & expressing unity for ONE India? Then you should be ashamed to be an Indian. You’re just a blot. You can’t be patriotic to any nation wherever you go
Read 4 tweets
Mar 28, 2020
Blame it on Delhi or central Government but no one foresaw what was foreseeable that there are around a million labourers, rickshaw pullers, daily wagers migrants in Delhi NCR who do not have a permanent job
These people don’t have savings, they live in rented rooms, some even homeless. There is no possible way unless preparations would be on war footing, that these people could stay here, may be in temporary camps and get food
Making temporary arrangement is a Herculean task, you need to maintain social distancing, clean place to sleep, toilets and then logistic for their food, medical & other daily needs. It has been a lack of foresightedness & now we are in a mess
Read 8 tweets
Mar 26, 2020
Coronavirus is the utmost fear that human race needs to overcome. No matter how much time we take to win this battle, I have an apprehension and can predict with certainty that anarchy will spread not only in India but in many countries
Even if this disease is contained within a few months’ time worldwide, the wheel won’t start rolling again immediately. Jobs will be lost. With total shutdown almost everywhere in the world, production of goods has stopped
Soil can’t produce grain on its own, machines can’t produce goods without raw material and men. No matter if FMCG companies are allowed to operate, manufacturers won’t be able to manufacture anything without raw material and men
Read 6 tweets

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