Thread by @AdriansMother

#Suicide is a hard subject, one I think we often avoid. I have some things about this subject I'd like to share. I'll be doing so this week.

The first thing: feeling #suicidal is not a weakness. It's not a failure or a personality flaw. #Tragedy and #depression can happen to ANYONE. There but for grace, or merely chance...

If you had asked me three years ago, I would have said #suicide was cowardly. I didn't understand, then, how quickly life can change, or how little we control. I don't believe suicide is ever an answer, but I better understand the complexities behind the issue now.

When my son died, it tore a hole inside of me. It reframed all of my thoughts about the world. And a world without my son felt achingly empty. I went from a person who would never have considered harming myself, to someone who had to actively talk myself out of wanting to die.

I wish I had known, not only that these thoughts are possible, but that they are also common. I may have shared more if I thought I would be understood.

When I did try to share, it often felt as if my feelings were (unintentionally?) minimized:
"Don't talk like that."
"Don't think those things."
"I don't want to hear that."
"You're scaring me."
...Ironically, nobody asked the big question.

Important point #2: If you are worried someone may be at risk for #suicide, #askthequestion:
"Are you feeling suicidal?"
"Do you want to hurt yourself?"
"Do you have a plan?"

Important point #2b: pair that queston with support:
"Can I sit with you?"
"Can I call someone?"
"How can I support you today?"
And especially when warranted, calling 911 and/or escorting to the hospital.
***Feeling actively suicidal IS an emergency***

Something else to consider--when I was in my darkest place, people were there, initially. But I think there is this unfortunate assumption that the aftermath of tragedy has a finite end. This is not true.

Important item #3: check on your people constantly. #Depression can return. #Grief never ends. Anniversaries and low points and sometimes random Tuesdays can be the hardest. Take care of each other.

More thoughts coming tomorrow...

Elaborating on the thread from yesterday, what does it mean to check on your people? Can you tell at a glance if they're doing okay? What does "normal" look like to you? Would it surprise you to know that many people who feel #suicidal may *seem* perfectly okay?

When I was feeling #suicidal, few things outwardly changed. I still went to work, still took care of things in my life. I shared a story yesterday about a man who still coached CrossFit, even while actively planning his death. You won't always see the blatant signs.

Some things to look for:
- Lack of excitement for the future. They may still make plans, but the sparkle is gone
- Sudden interest in helping others. People in the darkest places want others to feel better
- Asking for your time. There can be a craving for companionship

But honestly, the biggest things to look for are also the smallest--do things seem mostly normal, but also slightly off? Is there something different you can't quite put your finger on? This is when you need to act.

How can you help? Often, the best gift is your presence. I had a friend who visited me often, "just because." We watched movies, she washed my dishes. She made me feel seen and heard and loved. She made me feel less hopeless and less alone.

Item #4: Many like to share the number to the #suicidehotline, & that's appreciated, but are you also sharing your time? Humans are social animals, & feeling #suicidal can be isolating. Often, when someone is hurting, what they need most is YOU.

More tomorrow...

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