Thread by @thearmchaircom

I want to say a couple of words to white pastors on how to deal with racist incidents in your church/among members.

First of all, if you, white pastor, have black people in your church who “talk about race” as in they post on social media about it or who are active on issues in your community, know that there are going to be white members who will try to police that.

And where white people think that they can control black people’s thoughts, words, and deeds, you will have people policing those very things. And they will confront your black members...sometimes harshly or in a way that is hurtful.

There are a lot who will do this and they will have reasoned in their minds why they’re doing it. For some it’s defending the Word of Truth. Others think that they’re protecting unity in the church. They are going to be convinced in their own mind that they’re right.

Some of these folks will not only find it appropriate to rebut and refute the activism of black people (which they are free to do) but they will bully people with whom they disagree. And by bully, I mean they will dance into their comments sections, text, or private messages.

Rarely will they spew any of their venom in the public sphere. And if they do, guarantee that they will likely say worse in private conversation. A lot of times, black people aren’t going to tell you what people in your church are saying to them.

And when they do speak out, guarantee that it will be because they have endured a lot of hurt and nonsense before that. What you hear won’t be the first thing that happened. It will just be the first you heard of it.

As a white pastor leading black people, you have a decision to make. Will you love the black people in your charge or will you protect whiteness?

Here’s what you don’t do. Your impulses are going to be to immediately sit all parties down and to do conflict resolution and put a nice little bow on the whole entire thing. Don’t do that. You will likely subject the black person to more harm.

Unless the black person explicitly requests to meet with the person, don’t do it.

You might be asking yourself at this point, “but how do we do reconciliation, then?”

First of all, white pastor, I need you to see the whiteness in your approach. Reconciliation isn’t something that you “do.” It is a way that we live. Just as we are being reconciled to Christ and just as Christ is reconciling all things to him, it is a process.

This is not to say that reconciliation is not an event. There certainly are discrete moments in which reconciliation takes place. The problem is that white folks want to major on the discrete moments and neglect the process.

So back to our church members who are in racial conflict.

Since them meeting face to face isn’t an option, what do you do?

The first thing is to listen to the affected/injured party(ies)...that is, the black people. Block off LOTS of time.

Meet in a quiet and comfy place. LISTEN. Do not demand emotional labor. Say, “I don’t understand this concept, I am going to have to learn more about it.” Chances are that they will probably just explain it to you.

Write things down. Don’t try to defend the white person or the church. Just listen. You are a friend who is listening to the hurt of another friend. Your white impulse is going to be to solve the problem. Don’t do that. Let people feel all their feelings without evaluation.

Do not make platitudes and promises. Do not shed white tears. Do not get defensive. Just practice active listening.

Ask what the person hopes to see happen. Ask what they think that racial healing at your church would look at.

If the injured person would like to sit with the offending party ask if they want church leadership to facilitate.

If they want the church leadership to facilitate, it is your responsibility to create a space where they don’t experience more abuse. Don’t offer unless you can.

So now for the white person. I can guarantee that you will likely never hear from a white parishioner about a black parishioner unless the white parishioner feels that the black person disrespected their perceived position of superiority.

White folks see it as their duty to police black people. It is ordinary business ansnso you will never hear about it unless the white people start to see the black persons as an issue. Especially if they “disobey.”

Bear this in mind when you approach a white parishioner in this issue. They are going to see you as a confederate. You can act like one and fortify whiteness, or you can break white solidarity and deal with the issue. The choice is yours, but choose wisely.

So basically, you are doing pastoral counseling at this point. You’re helping the injured party to find healing. With the offending party, you’re going to be working to bring them to repentance.

Your interaction with them is to help them unpack their whiteness.

Pro Tip: You can’t lead others in whiteness work of you haven’t done it yourself.

You aren’t going to achieve this in one sitting. You might not even be the appropriate person to handle this. It might be better for another white personnel who has done the work to walk w/ them.

The goal is reconciliation the goal is for the person to deal with their heart and to make amends and offer repay to the person who has been hurt. That is what we want.

However, it might not be achieved just through interacting with this person...

This particular issue with our church members is likely a symptom of a systemic issue within your church. You have to examine yourself and your organization. You have to deal with the toxic whiteness that is in you/it.

You have to create the paradigms and mechanisms through with white people can become aware of their whiteness. You have to do the deep work. It’s more than sipping coffee and telling people you love them.

When white people show out y’all should already have strategies to cope. You need to build the infrastructure to handle it. Y’all should already be helping people to deal with their whiteness.

In case you don’t know, white people policimg black folks is an outworking of white fragility. Period. You have to deal with white fragility. You cannot call yourself a safe place for black people and not handle it.

And, since there’s always one who will ask this question: What if the black person sinned?

So let’s say that someone pushed me down and I fell and broke my arm. Maybe after I fell, I had a serious outburst of anger.

What order are you going to deal with the issues?

Are you going to stand there, while my arm has a compound fracture, and lecture me about not having outbursts of anger and displaying the fruit of the spirit? I certainly hope not. Are you going to lecture me about anger and ignore the person who pushed me? I hope not.

Let’s say that I had the outburst of anger BEFORE I got pushed. The same stands. Are you going to lecture me about anger or are you going to set my arm?

Your first order of business is to get my arm and me stable. Your second order of business is to deal with the lesson who put their hands on me.

Dealing with my outburst might be gotten to or it might be better to find another opportunity to deal with it.

Yes, there are all kinds of what abouts that we can append to this analogy. But basically, if somebody is minding their own black business and shares their win black opinion or black experiences, in their own black space, white folks don’t need to police them.

There’s a lot of stuff that white folks stay saying and doing that we let move in by. It’s usually white folks who are out here policing and starting stuff.

Your responsibility is to deal with the direct harm that’s been done. If there is another character issue, it can be dealt with at another point, if at all. You can help that person grow outside of a hurtful and potentially traumatic incident.

The other thing might be, “What if a white person comes to me about a black person? What do I do?”

This is likely Karen or Ken calling the manager. Dig deeper in the situation. Most of the time they’re coming to you because the black person didn’t obey them.

If a white person comes to you about a black person, you need to work through the whiteness in the situation. Most of the time it is a whiteness issue. You can get mad about that if you want to or disbelieve me, but keep living and you’ll see.

If, after you deal with the whiteness, there is a pervasive sin issue with a black person (and yes black folks can sin. It’s just that most of the time when we’re taking about racial strife, it’s white folks sinfulness that gets put on display just like an alcoholic at a kegger).

Anyway, I got super in the weeds on some of those points that I wanted to. The point is that if you’re going to facilitate reconciliation in your church, you have to do so in a way that doesn’t cause more harm and isn’t superficial.

If you, white pastor, try to take a legalistic approach to racial healing and try to bring every person in the situation to account for everything they’ve done wrong or have been perceived to have done wrong, you’re only going to mess stuff up.

Justice is often complicated and messy. Instead of litigating specific issues, deal with the whole scope of the problem first and get more specific where you need to.

In other words, dealing with racism is a bigger issue than someone’s personal sins. In the church, it’s important to deal with the racism that is in your institution and to deal with how that’s connected to individuals. Draw the lines and allow the Spirit to work on folks.

There’s more I could say but I’ll leave it there.