Thread by @1vitaceae

I feel I need to write off me some things... I´m not sure how to begin and I don´t know how to end...

All this fall I´ve felt very bad. Difficult to fall asleep, extremely sensitive and irritable, quick to anger, impatient and zero productivity. Not my usual self.
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It wasn´t until 2-3 weeks back that I made the connection that this began after my visit to @yadvashem in Jerusalem. And I think (I´m not a doctor) I got hit by depression or even PTSD(?).

I took this pic after having a dreadful feeling that this was going to be difficult.
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I had looked forward to visiting and getting more education on the Holocaust so I wasn´t expecting this.

I´ve been standing with Israel and against antisemitism for 27 years. I´m grown up with reading about the Holocaust, seeing films and this has always been
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something that´s had my attention. I remember as a 10 year old, after reading Martin Gray´s For Those I Loved and saying to my grandmother´s sister how lucky he had been to survive which she responded to by looking at me with disdain and the reply: "Lucky? You´re an idiot".
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Then she explained to me why. It was a valuable lesson.

When I entered @yadvashem this feeling of dread became a feeling ... I was going to write "terror" but it was so much more. I don´t know how long time I spent in there. 1 hr, maybe 2. I´m not sure.
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During my time there a phrase kept ringing in my head: "in the precense of evil". And that´s how I felt. It was like being hit by a force of pure hate. Eternall never ending evil that just kept washing over me. Again and again and again. It wasn´t passive. It was aggressive.
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It wasn´t something I could turn away from. It wasn´t dormant or in any way soft and creeping. It was evil in it´s full force, completely relentless and it just kept coming and coming and coming.

Ca halfway through I looked towards the exit and when I saw and understood
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that I had to walk through the whole exhibition I literally wanted to just lie down and die. It was complete hopelessness. After that I didn´t really look at more. I just walked through, fast without running and through the exit where the warm Jerusalem sun recieved me.
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Once out I found a seclusive spot, sat down and cried like a little baby for 10-15 minutes. Some of it was tremendous grief, sorrow and emotional distress. Some was relief of being out.

I think I got a small taste of what European Jews must have felt like during WW2.
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I´m no stranger to human suffering. As a former addict I´ve watched friends of mine go to prison, die and I´ve had my share too of personal "stuff".

But the Holocaust was no accident. It wasn´t a result of a lifestyle. It wasn´t something 3 hrs of counceling
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could put a band-aid on.

It was systematic persecution of ppl deemed not worthy of living.

It was pure evil.

Fighting antisemitism isn´t a hobby for me. Never has been. It isn´t something I take out of a drawer at 8 and put back in at 17.

It´s a part of me.
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It´s who and what I am. I am many more things but this is a big part of me. So big it has often gotten me into trouble. At work. Social gatherings. On the bus. If I "smell" antisemitism I do not keep quiet. And I do not care where I am or whom I´m with.
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I don´t give a rat´s ass who you are, where you´re from, if you´re Left or Right, Christian, Jew, Muslim, gay, Hindu, white, black or green. If you´re an antisemite I will confront you.

It´s that simple.

Before Yad Vashem I thought I had zero tolerance towards antisemitism.
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Now I do.

Antisemitism must be fought.

All of it.

If you can´t condemn antisemitism in all it´s forms and without reservations based on where it comes from then get out of my way. I have no time for some Mickey mouse bullshit. You´re either fighting with me or against me.
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I feel better the last 2-3 weeks. My sleep is better. I´m more happy. My energy and my usual loving & forgiving attitude towards ppl is coming back but my visit to @yadvashem marked me. It changed me.

And I DO recommend a visit there. It should even be obligatory.
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I want to believe that sometime in the future this experience of mine will be for good.

Right now I don´t really know what to do with it.

But I do know that I hate antisemitism and love Israel and the Jewish nation.
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A little bit more....

I never intended to become some "Israelsupporter". In 1992 I started reading about Israel, the Jews, antisemitism and so on and more or less since then I´ve been talking about it with ppl that I´ve noticed were ill-informed or even hostile towards ...
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...Israel and/or Jewish ppl. On the streets, in the supermarket, at the swimming pool...you understand...

I did this for my own sake because of who I am. Not to become something.

It wasn´t until ´09 I started engaging on-line with ppl and write about Israel and antisemitism.
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We should do things because they are right.

Not to become big in the eyes of men or for fame and fortune.

Being someone in other´s eyes does not automatically make you right or good.

Standing up for Israel and against antisemitism is both good and right.
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