Thread by @TerrebusFC

Good afternoon and welcome to the inaugural #TerrebusFC liveblog! I'm your host, Tom Hartnell, tweeting from the bench. One hour to kickoff and here's our starting lineup against Lobster Town!

Captain Crozier’s got a 3-5-2 lineup planned for today...should help us put a thumb in that pesky Lobster Town offence.

And we’re underway at Albany Barracks. COME ON YOU TERREBITES!! #COYT #TerrebusFC

7’ Lobster Town comes out swinging! Braine fires a belter of a shot at the Terrebus goal, but Bridgens is there to tip it over the crossbar!

13’ Corner for Lobster Town. Pearson takes it, and it’s headed well clear by Blanky.

18’ A lovely pass from Crozier finds—well, absolutely no-one in Lobster Town territory, and bounces out, I’m afraid. He doesn’t look that happy about the lack of support. Next time, captain!

20’ Terrebus are enjoying the bulk of the possession right now, testing Lobster Town’s defence, but the home side are holding firm.

21’ Goal for Lobster Town.

LTFC 1-0 TEFC

Oh, and it’s a shocker, too. Reed dispossesses Irving with a tackle—should’ve been a red if you ask me—& the Terrebus defence are caught too high up to respond in time. The offside flag stays down as Wilkes dribbles past Bridgens and wheels away to celebrate with the fans. 1-0.

23’ Tozer storms up the middle and passes to Hickey, who cuts inside and forces a save from Lobster Town keeper Hammond. Corner for Terrebus! That’s the spirit lads!!

24’ Jopson takes the corner. He finds Little with his usual pinpoint precision, but Little’s shot is clearly telegraphed and it's an easy save for Hammond.

30’ Irving’s cross finds Fitzjames, but it’s a shot across the bows. Goal kick for Lobster Town.

31’ And it falls to Collins’s feet, who manages to dribble past three Marines before losing the ball to Pilkington. Collins and Tozer scramble back to defend, but Pilkington passes to Hedges—

32’ Damn it. Goal for Lobster Town.

LTFC 2-0 TEFC

Collins’s run left us exposed at the back. There’s acres of space along the right hand side and Hedges exploits every inch of it. Chips the ball to Hopcraft, who sidefoots it into our goal. Hard to write, even harder to watch. 2-0.

39’ Crozier sends a pass upfield, but Fitzjames is caught offside and the flag goes up. Words are exchanged between captain and vice-captain. Very loud words. Don’t think I should say what those words are, exactly.

41’ More shouting. Sorry to the children in the stands.

45’ The fourth official indicates there will be two minutes of added time before the break.

45+2’ And that’s it for the first half. A little disappointing, but a match has got two halves for a reason, hasn’t it, and it’s still very much anybody’s game at this point. See you in fifteen!

LTFC 2-0 TEFC

45' While we're waiting for the restart, let's take a moment to remember the Battle of Trafalgar Square, where our very own Sir John winged it and horsed around with the out-of-Lobster Towners.

46’ The whistle goes and we’re off again! Just one substitution during halftime: Irving comes off for Le Vesconte. Come on lads!!! #COYT

48’ OH FOR THE LOVE OF

FUCK OFF WILL YOU

Sorry. Sorry, just—fucking hell. Lobsters win possession, Hedges nutmegs Collins, Bridgens gets a hand on it but I think Collins must’ve blocked his view. That’s all there is to say.

LTFC 3-0 TEFC

59’ I really do want to apologise for that outburst.

62’ Sorry for the delay, had to plug my phone in. Captain Crozier gave me his battery pack and I aim to use that charger well.

65’ Bridgens saving us from a truly embarrassing scoreline here. Shot after shot on target from Lobster Town, but he’s holding firm.

67’ Yellow card for Blanky, which if you ask me was barely a foul. Ridiculous.

70’ I've just been told to get my boots on for a substitution. Not sure who'll be replacing me, but cheers until next time. There's still 20 minutes to go and all to play for! -TH

72’ Charles Frederick Des Voeux here taking over from Tom for the twitter thing. Let's see if the team will improve from the worm-like performance we've been seeing.

73’ By worm-like I mean, an arse at both ends and doing nothing but eat dirt all day.

78’ Have been informed by Goodsir that worms do not have two arses, but in fact have a head with a brain on one end. That puts them a step ahead of Terrebus then. Congratulations to worms.

82’ Goal. Obviously not ours.

LTFC 4-0 TEFC

Bloody hell, Lobster Town are queueing up to score now, aren’t they? That’s 4-0, by the way, for those of you who have happily lost count.

85’ It looks like there’s a bit of a scrap between the captain and VC kicking up. Fitzjames is showing more energy shouting at Crozier than he has in front of goal all afternoon.

86’ He’s getting very creative with his language now. The children in the stands might want to take notes. This is a strong display of vocabulary.

89’ GOAL! SOLOMON TOZER! GOAL!!!!!!!

89’ Oh it was an own goal.

LTFC 5-0 TEFC

Actually a decent header, he got a lot of power on it from an awkward angle. A header a man could be proud of. If it had been in the correct net. Which it was not. 5-0.

90’ Insult to injury from Lobster Town. “Solly Tozer is a Red” bouncing back and forth in the stands now. Have to admit it’s catchy.

And that’s the whistle. Thought we’d have to plod our way through extra time, but it seems the ref’s decided to put us out of our misery. Catch the match highlights on the official site. I mean, if that’s a thing you want to do to yourself. CFDV out.

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