Thread by @shannonrosa

You know what? Let’s make this a thread. I’m going to talk about the four most common fallacies in parent writing about autistic kids, and why they are hooey. The goal here is to teach you to identify baloney, even when it doesn’t have a first name. *rimshot*

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https://twitter.com/thinkingautism/status/1263947393071894528

Unfortunately, when it comes to writing from parents of autistic kids, too many take the demeaning route. I find this approach quixotic at best: If you write smack about your kids in public spaces, how could you ever expect other people to treat your children well? 2/

So let’s talk about the four ickiest examples of bad parent writing about autistic kids, why using these approaches are not useful, and what you can do instead.

#Neurodiversity

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Bad parent writing on autism example #1: "I am furious that people celebrate autism acceptance. My child suffers from autism and needs a cure."

Considering autism a curable disease is misinformed thinking:

theguardian.com/science/blog/2… 4/

High-support autistic people have always been part of society. That's a fact. Autism is brain wiring. Also a fact. Conclusion: Autistic people need understanding and accommodations, not cures. 5/

Sadly, parents who talk about curing autism are also usually the most hostile to the concept of understanding their autistic kids. Yet parents NEED to focus on understanding autistic kids, and supporting them to live the best lives possible, if anyone involved is to thrive. 6/

Of course, if an autistic child is having a terribly hard time, that is indeed nothing to celebrate. The problem is, too many parents define autistic "suffering" as being ill, being non-speaking, or being violent—and leave it at that. 7/

By throwing up their hands instead of pursuing support, parents of autistic children compound any suffering their own kids may be experiencing, and, if they have any influence, spread that suffering to all the kids of the parents who listen to them. 8/

Here's the autistic reality these parents are willfully ignoring: if a child has medical conditions, parents need to address those, while understanding that their child will be healthier and therefore happier—but still autistic—afterwards. 9/

Parents need to understand that everyone communicates, even if they don't speak, & pursue communication options. There are usually very reasonable but easily missed factors when autistic kids are aggressive or self-injurious, usually medical reasons. Look for those reasons! 10/

Bad parent writing on autism example #2 "Autism is Hard. There is no reason to celebrate something so hard."

Yes, autism is hard. Hardest for an autistic person who is not being supported or accepted, however. 11/

It is hard for autistic ppl when society does not recognize how autistic anxiety, processing time, sensory issues, social difficulties etc., can interfere with a person's well-being & ability to cope—and harder still when that lack of understanding/acceptance happens at home. 12/

Lack of autism acceptance & understanding make it hard for parents & families too. Which is why, instead of complaining about autism, parents should be fighting for wider-spread acceptance, understanding, & supports for autistic ppl (& their families), so that everyone wins. 13/

Bad parent writing on autism example #3: "My autistic child functions like a much younger child."

No, your child functions the way an autistic person with developmental disabilities functions, for their age. (More on this topic @rsocialskills: realsocialskills.org/blog/age-appro…) 14/

Autistic people of any age deserve their interests and life experiences to be treated with respect. Why does it matter so much if they choose to spend their time differently from their non-autistic peers? 15/

If you want your autistic child to be happy, then you need learn to accept their preferences; as long as they aren't harming anyone, they should be able like what they like, even if their interests are technically for much younger children, and even if they are adults. 16/

Publicly ridiculing or second-guessing your autistic child's passions and development is not only bad modeling for your child, it is questionable parenting regardless of your child’s neurotype. 17/

Bad parent writing on autism example #4: "My child is disabled, unlike those quirky fakers who write neurodiversity articles, work in Silicon Valley, and fight for autistic rights at the national policy level.”

Sigh. 18/

Autistic people are indeed a diverse bunch, and that heterogeneity has only been truly recognized for about two decades. It's unclear to me why this is a problem, because that ideally means more autistic people are being identified and getting supports. 19/

Plus the autistic people these accusations are usually leveled at—like @autselfadvocacy staff—include & work very hard for the rights of autistic ppl of all abilities. (Most autistic people also consider themselves disabled, whether or not they have White House appointments.) 20/

Parents would do well to read the thoughts of autistic people themselves on the autistic experience, to understand why these "not like MY child" accusations are both often untrue, and hurtful. 21/

Autistic commonalities are as real as autistic diversity, and what sort of silly parent wouldn't recognize or appreciate having freely shared insights on autistic struggles and tendencies their own child might not be able to convey? 22/

Also, the autistic kids & adults with the highest support needs are the ones most likely to get supports, while autistic ppl with fewer obvious support needs are more likely to be overlooked, dismissed, remain undiagnosed, & as a result have debilitating anxiety & depression. 23/

Other strategies for identifying harmful parent writing on autism include taking notice of where such people post. BuzzFeed, HuffPo, & Medium have forums in which anyone can post anything, but which LOOK official to folks not paying attention. Beware! 24/

Also, invoke a Google search when evaluating parent writing on autism. Red flags: Does the parent believe debunked science like vaccine causation? Do they have wacky epigenetics theories—with “research” they funded themselves? Do they misrepresent what #neurodiversity means? 25/

Please, call out harmful parent writing on autism when you can, even though doing so can be squirm-inducing. (I don't like doing it either.) Especially when transgressors who get called out dismiss criticism outright, or angrily frame reasonable critiques as personal attacks. 26/

People who write nasty things about their autistic kids need to be held accountable for the hurtful ideas they publicly endorse. The more we counter this crap, the more we change the conversation—and eventually awful writing about autistic kids will stop being tolerated. 27/27