Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

Things I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Canada's PM offers homework help to students and Conservatives lose their collective mind. Their outrage was quelled though when Doug made them all cheesecake.
2. In related news, Doug manages to deplete Canada's entire sugar supply.

3. Scheer says Canada is rife with "fraudsters" and, as an unlicenced Insurance Broker, he is outraged.
4. Aaron Wudrick of the Canadian Taxpayers Federation claims Canadian horses are receiving CERB. In unrelated news, Andrew Scheer buys each of his five kids a Shetland pony.

5. Denise Batters begins trolling Trudeau's homework thread when he ignores her request to help her claim her carbon tax rebate.
6. Denise Batters endorses Peter MacKay. Pundits say the endorsement now gives MacKay a shot at at least a third place finish in the leadership race.

7. Ontario court overturns Ford's cancellation of nearly-complete Ottawa region wind farm, citing cancellation was "unreasonable and procedurally unfair." Jeff Yurek argued that the wind farm posed threat to bats and that Doug's a huge Bryan Adams fan.
8. #FamilyBubblesSaveLives

9. Education Minister Lecce tweets the names, faces and school name of a dozen young students. Responding to public outcry, former Ed Min Lisa Thompson says potentially exposing kids to online predators helps build kids' resilience and they teach each other about stranger danger.

10. #FireLecce
11. Kenney spends $140K a year on Talent Manager. That's it. That's the funny part.
12. Michelle Rempel begins fundraising from Oklahoma for non-existent election. Thousands of Trump supporters donate, not realizing the first 'A' on her red hat stands for Alberta.

13. Poilievre asks Morneau if he knows what a trillion is. When Morneau doesn't take the bait, Pierre storms off in search of someone else he can trick into asking to see his trillion Club Zed points.
14. Calgary newspaper headline this week: "COVID-19 ruins Alberta BBQ season!"

15. Kenney declares "Alberta is open for investment!" after saying he thinks most foreign investment firms are big fat stupidheads.
16. Sheer demands Parliament reconvene in person, saying "it's essential!" Insiders report Scheer needs PM to help his 5 kids with their homework.

17. Alberta's Chinese consulate reminds Kenney he's in Calgary, not Ottawa. Matt Wolf googles "provincial versus federal" and determines the diplomats are in fact correct, but clearly biased.
18. UCP's Drew Barnes evicts another tenant, saying they had an un-Albertan attitude.

19. Doug has family members from at least 3 different households over for Mother's Day. Responds to criticism, telling Ontarians to use their common sense, only merge family bubbles, and to wear blue gardening gloves when making cheesecake for the long weekend up at the cottage.

20. Deciding his career wasn't *quite* finished, Bryan Adams says "Here, hold my vegan beer..." and logs onto Instagram and Twitter.
21. Trump unveils new Space Force logo. Says it's a perfect project because travelling at the speed of light will cure COVID.
22. #CheesecakeCures

23. With COVID cases still on the rise in Ontario, Doug decides it's time for people to get their housekeepers back and restart Ontario's hospital economy.
24. Toronto rock darlings July Talk announce drive-in theatre gigs in August. We are adapting. Nice.