Thread by @esteckler2

#Privileged.

The word seems to evoke strong feelings no matter how used or who it is said to. It seems to evoke lots of anger and often for different reasons.

Watching the video of George Floyd I was devastated. You could see the life drain from this man’s face. 1/

My son & daughter equally devastated and enraged after viewing. I today am still unable to get the vision out of my head. The pleas of those witnessing his death still ring in my ears. I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. 2/

My son commented that if he had been there he would have intervened no matter what the cost. I had been thinking this also & agreed with him puzzled why no one intervened.

And there you have it, MY privilege. #MyWhiteness. 3/

I don’t care what it is called but what it comes down to is that because of my skin color, my son’s skin color, my experiences have been different than if I were black .

A few months back my youngest son Josh was living with my eldest. son, Dariouse. 4/

No I did not birth him but he is family to us. We love him & he loves us. Dariouse was working & Josh had stepped out to let the dog out. Outside there was a very heavy police presence. There were multiple police cars, Individuals in SWAT gear 5/

There was a large vehicle which Josh later found out to be a command center. He face timed me to show me what was going on. I initially told him to get inside but he was curious & wanted to stay and watch. I was a wee bit concerned but not largely concerned so hung up. 6/

He called me back later to give me an update. While giving me an update his brother came home. Josh tried to talk Dariouse into staying outside to watch the events with him but he had NO interest. 7/

Dariouse indicated (and I am paraphrasing) ‘gawking when there is police activity is a white persons thing, blacks don’t do that. We get out of the area’. In #MyWhiteness, in #MyPriviledge I did not get it at the time 💔 8/

Ive talked to mothers whose children are black & from day one, they are teaching them how to act if a police officer stops them; don’t put hands in pockets, don’t make any fast moves, don’t talk back, don’t resist. They are teaching them how to not get killed when they go out 9/

I’ve NEVER had these discussions with my son. It has never once crossed my mind. Please don’t say, well that’s bc they live in such and such a ‘neighborhood’. Or bc so & so committed a crime. Nope, nope, nope! Those are our WHITE damn racist lies/rational. 10/

We live in the same world but because of the color of our skin have different realities.
As a white mother I don’t worry about my white son going for a jog or bird watching in Central Park. I don’t worry that if my son committed a crime he would be hurt being by police 11/

So when I think, I would have intervened it’s because I haven’t lived the reality that black people do. I have lived the reality of a white person. IF you constantly saw people with the color of your skin being killed, 12/

if you were condtsntly had 2 b vigilant bc white people may misinterpret what you say or do & that could get you killed.
If that was your reality, you most likely would be very scared to

I don’t know what you want to label it but fact is bc I have never had to think of any of these things or worry about my son & every thing he does, of course it would be easier for me to feel as I could intervene and not be harmed. That’s my reality & it’s bc of my whiteness 15

My heart is so heavy. No mother should have to worry about their son because of the color of his skin. No man should have to worry constantly about their safety because of the color of their skin. 16/

I am sorry. I am sorry for not listening, for not hearing because the color of my skin & the privileges this has given me. It has dulled my eyes & my ears to the struggles of POC. 17:

I promise I will do better. I promise to intervene. I promise to open my eyes & to hear. I am sorry. I will #RaiseMyVoice 18